Unfortunately most of all of those sites will have an agenda and most likely will give you the wrong advice. Or...even worse....they will lead you to believe there is nothing you can do and no way to tackle the problem. Instead, they will advise - just smile or pray or in some way try to avoid the problem and hope it goes away. In other words, they encourage parents to be passive and to give up. They insist that there is no way a parent can influence a child to be a better person. (Hogwash!)
Children across this country are emotionally starving because they need strong leaders to help them navigate life. In the absence of a strong leader at home, children try to fill that role without experience, wisdom, compassion or a true definition of love. Even worse, when they feel their parents can't provide leadership or proper love - children reach out to other delinquents at school to fill that void. In Cesar's words, they join a pack at school - a wild pack ruled by animal instinct rather than an honest view of life. Mom and Dad cry....Grandma prays.....and society says "Don't blame the parents they have enough guilt already."
I don't believe in nagging and using guilt to force anyone to do anything. BUT...there's a bigger problem here. If we are so worried about "guilt" that we remain quiet about "TRUTH" - the battle for lives and souls is already lost.
No one in this life has ever changed a habit - bad or good - when their life was successful and everything was going right. Have you ever heard someone say - "Everything in my life is great! I think I'll change it all around." Of course not. The only time we think of changing things is when we are hurting or when someone says to us...."If you keep doing this bad thing, you will have major problems down the road." That is one of our biggest roles as parents....we are the voice of reason that insists our children can live by higher standards. Enlisting compassion and love, we can help our children achieve and be much more than "society" thinks is possible. We can lead them into God's Higher Plan for their lives.
My point is this....Either parents need to have the courage to "Parent" and to say "NO" and to lecture their children on the evils of certain practices - or we are doomed to a future generation that will self-destruct!
When I look at young people who are self-destructing, my first question is - "Where were the parents?" Why didn't they get involved? Why didn't they do something to change this child's focus? What did they do when they were four or five? Why didn't they develop a strong sense of communication with that child? Perhaps they did and the child still chose a delinquent path...but, the question needs to be out there. We need to encourage more parents to get involved. Children aren't plants; they need more than food and water.
In every show I've watched with Cesar Millan - The Dog Whisperer - he always says, "I train people so their dogs can be balanced." It's always the owner that needs instruction and when the owner changes his ways, the dog instantly changes as well. Parenting is no different.
Yes, once a child is an adult we no longer have the same influence over that child - but what I did do when that child was 5 or 6 that will certainly help them now. Children are like masterful paintings. When you use a paint by number kit to copy someone else's work - one color and one stroke of the brush goes into one small shape. But when the master is painting, it's done in layers. There may be several colors on top of each other with edges blended and different brushes and strokes used. What you do to help your child understand life at age 7 will be the base coat for everything that comes after. He will build on those teachings and come to a specific philosophy for his life.
Rule #1 however, is that you must first know the rules of life. You must first know and understand that lying will get you into trouble. Only then can you explain it to your child. Only then will you have the courage to insist that lying will not be tolerated. Only then will you have the courage to discipline bad behavior.
You can't be a trusted leader for your children until you know and follow the rules yourself. Your children won't trust you as their leader if you demand they tell the truth yet you lie to your boss.
Perhaps the first rule of good parenting is to get your own life in order and make a commitment to live an honest life in front of your child. But....that will take a lot of courage!
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
1 comment:
I agree with this 100%. Children who have no structure or who are taught without boundaries only grow up to lead the same kind of chaotic adult life unless change takes place. Appreciate your commitment on these issues!
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