Precious Pointer #5 Never Punish bystanders

Precious Pointer #5

Never punish bystanders.

Punishment is an action that should be kept between you and your child.  If your child’s restriction causes disappointment to another child, it will make you the villain rather than the teacher.  Public punishment will cause your child to dislike you rather than evaluating his wrong.  His friends will dislike you and you will become the brunt of jokes.

Think about the feelings of the birthday child or parent when you say no to their invitation. You are punishing them and the success of their plans. Your child will be missing from the party, the guest list will be lower, the parent who spent the money to provide for your child will be disappointed and hurt and the birthday child is minus a gift or his favorite friend. 

Consider the teacher or church that produces a nice play or event but must scramble to find a replacement when your child can’t attend. How will they feel about you when they have to work overtime so you and your child can work out your disagreements. 

It's much better to teach your child that commitments must continue.  Restrict him before and after but not during an event that involves other people.  By being sensitive to their needs you will teach your child to be sensitive to others and to respect you for your compassion.  Never punish bystanders.


Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie

Precious Pointer #4 Life must be fair

Precious Pointer #4

Life must be fair

At least in your home!

Children do not respond to the old saying do as I say – not as I do. If it’s wrong for them to yell, then it must be wrong for you. If they can’t lie, neither can you. And…if they catch you doing something you shouldn’t, you should apologize –accept punishment and teach them that breaking the rules is wrong at any age.  If rules aren't fair children will always question them and they lose their importance.  It would be confusing to anyone no matter what age if the rules kept changed just because you kept breaking them. 

I once let my son put me on restriction because I broke a rule. It was a great way to help him understand that I was committed to being a fair parent and that our only goal was to live by “truth”.

Seeking His Wisdom,
 
Debbie

Precious Pointer #3 "No" is a great word

Precious Pointer #3

“No” is a great word.

You can ease the stress of parenting if you teach your children that no is a great word. No can protect you from harm. No can eliminate things you don’t want. No can keep you on track to getting the things you do want and reaching higher goals. And no can keep you out of trouble.

Too many children are only taught that “no” is restrictive to something they want. If you teach them that no is a helpful word they will be more receptive to explanations that explain your requests or rules.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie

Watch out for potholes!

The worst damage my car ever suffered from was when I didn't see a pothole until it was too late.  I tried to swerve and couldn't miss the gigantic hole in front of me.  I dented the underside of the car, busted the tire and sent all of us crashing into the curb.

Have you ever felt like that in your personal life?  Someone you trusted hurt you.  A company you worked for stole your future.  A dear friend became a devastating enemy.  The love you offered was trampled like so much dirt.  You didn't see the danger ahead and it hit you with full force.

C.S. Lewis advised "Don't ever give your love, even to a dog.  Someday it will crush you."

We've all let someone down or been hurt by the decisions or actions of another.  But...there is no hurt greater than being hurt by a child.  Sometimes the hurt comes in full frontal blows.  Sometimes the hurt is because we have to stand by and watch them make bad decisions.  Sometimes the hurt is in the form of embarrassment.  Have you ever had to listen as a mom went on and on about her teenager who has gone wild?  The pain seems to spill out like oil dripping from a busted car.

And then the real damage begins to show.  The blame game.  Why didn't I see that coming?  Why didn't I take care of that?  But I taught him better!  Why would he do that? 

Here's the biggest piece of advice I can give to any parent.  Whether it's a newborn, a teen or an adult.....children will not remember the things that were not emphasized!  They do not get information by osmosis.  Yes, they watch your life for added emphasis and understanding - but real depth to their understanding must come from teaching.  Unfortunately, It's impossible for you to cover everything.  If I sat with a child from the time it was born until the day he died and we talked 10 hours a day, I could never cover every life issue he would need to learn or consider.  And....there wouldn't be time to just "live" life. 

So...the reality is that whatever you choose to promote in your family....that will be something your child remembers and allows to become a part of his life as well.  And, by the same token, whatever you neglect in your life becomes an open door for problems.  Satan is very good at finding those doors and sneaking in. 

Your job then is to make sure you have a plan to cover all the things that you feel are "vital" to your child's success.  Big job - yes!  But....you can do it. 

And about all those things that you can't cover.....Forgive yourself and then Forgive your child.  Continue to teach and instruct and then move on as you ask God to cover you both with his love and forgiveness.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie

Children are so fun!!!

Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat.

He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.  She smiled and went about her work.

A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.

She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said,  "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."






Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie