Well duh! Of course, that's a contradiction to the studies that came out 15 years ago informing parents that it would desensitize children to alcohol if you didn't make it a taboo. If they were allowed to try it or had access to alcohol that they would be less likely to become alcoholics. After taking that advice we now have the largest young drinkers ever in this country.
I'm having a real problem with scientists. My grandmother (who only finished the 10th grade) was right about life choices more times than any scientific research to come out since the 40's. First it's okay to smoke, then it's not. It's okay to use saccharine then it's not because it will give you cancer. Now it's okay again. First eggs are bad and will increase your cholesterol, then it's not the egg it's your physical makeup, then it's your heredity. First plastic is good, then it's bad, then it's good but only if you don't use the microwave. Now it's only good if it's BPH clear but only on Saturdays during months with r's. Ahhhh....!!! Scientific data seems to reflect the opinions of the researcher and is only as reliable as he is. I rarely pay attention to those people anymore. They will get you into trouble and they don't have to suffer the consequences.
I think it's much better to be my own scientist. I do what they do and it gives me the assurance that I'm living the life I should. Now, don't get me wrong - I haven't turned them off completely. I still listen to what they "think" they've found, but I test it against what I have proven to be true.
So what do they do? They ask questions, think outside the box and always wonder why. They search for every fact no matter how small and assemble those pieces like a big jigsaw puzzle.
That's it! It doesn't take a degree to be a researcher. It does take a degree to know how to mix chemicals or how to develop medicine for diseases. But...the beginning process -ESPECIALLY FOR SOCIAL PROBLEMS -that doesn't take a genius to see the answers clearly.
Let's try a problem and see how we do.
There's a group of psychiatrists that believe the best way to have a healthy marriage is to be willing to allow your partner to have an affair.
1. It seems the first puzzle piece we need to look at is how many people who have had affairs end their marriage in divorce. After all, it can't possibly be healthy for your marriage if your marriage ultimately ends in divorce.
2. Even if your partner agrees that it's okay to have an affair....are there any consequences for the individual.
a. diseases
b. harbored guilt
c. mixed emotions
d. can you really let go and return to your spouse without feelings of loss or desires that remain?
e. fear of rejection from others who do think it's wrong
f. fear of family members or children who may find out
g. fear of God's judgement (if you believe in God)
h. makes it easier to ultimately leave because the tight bonds with your spouse are now broken
i. makes it easier to leave because you have somewhere to go
We could probably go on and on with this list. While this list would stop me cold....those who believe in this foolish plan lose me with the first reason they give for having an affair. "By having the freedom to have an affair, you will lose the taboo feeling that feeds your desires to be with other people. You will feel free and therefore will come back to your spouse a stronger person. You will appreciate what you have and therefore will return to him/her because you want to not because you have to."
What nonsense! There again let's look at all the facts.
1. The fact that anyone feels they need to have an affair says a lot about their commitment level. Duh! They have none. That means they can't be trusted. Who would ever want to base building a family unit on the shoulders of someone who probably won't be there when the going gets tough!
2. It's totally selfish! There's no mention of what this would do to the spouse, the children, the extended family, their faith, their friends - and the possibility of illegitimate children that would be born into this lunatic situation.
Okay...okay....you get the idea.
Our world has become complicated because we have so much information at our fingertips. If you want to do something that will totally ruin your life - there are thousands of idiots on line that will be glad to tell you to go ahead and do it....you deserve it....you should....
It's important to stop and ask yourself why anyone would want to advise you to do something that will mess up your life? It's probably because they've messed up theirs so badly that they can't admit it. So they lie. They tell you it's wonderful and for a split second their pain is soothed. Unfortunately, when you believe them you are often sucked into a world of hurt for yourself and if you can't get out of the spiral you become one of the many voices of evil as well.
"Know the Truth and the Truth will set you free." Finding and following the truth is never easy. Most of the time we have to deny our wants and often our needs in order to find Truth. It's sad that people who have had a great life free from all the nasty trappings and free from horrible consequences - it's sad that they don't hop up on the soapbox and yell to the world - "Hey you....over here....I've got the answers!"
Please be good to your children. Determine that you will be a scientist. Determine that you and your children will be on a quest for Truth.
It is true that because we are humans, we will always make mistakes. Even if they are small - we will certainly have regrets. If you take the time to talk to people who are disciplined and have found the "Truth" in their lives....you will experience a burst of fresh air - a person who has missed the really devious evil of life and has the joy of knowing they did it right. Be that kind of person. Show your child how to be that kind of person.
You can be a scientist.....you can do it right....your life can be one of joy, contentment and peace. Your children can have lives of purpose, laughter, achievement and great contentment. You can reach retirement age and look back on a life well lived.
I have made the journey and I often look back on my life with great contentment. I wouldn't trade a disciplined, "No thank you, I'm not going to do that..." kind of life for any feel good moment. You may think you need that lift from a drink or smoke or sexual act. I can assure you those few moments of "feel good" doesn't hold a candle to looking back on a life of great contentment and joy.
My mother became a preacher when she was only 8 years old. She traveled with my grandmother all across the South holding tent revivals and preaching God's word. Of course she was made fun of. Of course it was hard. She tells the story of being a teen and watching a very popular young girl at school wishing she could be a care free as she was. All the boys liked her and she was very popular with the girls. She made fun of mother and her clothes and the Bible that stuck out of her purse. Mother took it and moved on confident that her life was exactly what God meant for her to do.
Several years later she returned to that town for a revival. It had been a wonderful week with many people saved. The pastor asked her to go with him and some of the youth to do a service at the jailhouse. She sang, played the accordion and had an alter call. There were sneers from the back of the room where some of the young girls were taunting mother. The girls had been arrested for prostitution. Bravely mother walked to the back and saw the young girl from school. The young girl had tears in her eyes but forced them back and defiantly said, "I'll bet you wish you could be me." Mother smiled and said, "I'll pray for you. I'll pray for all of you."
She left the building knowing that the young girl had it wrong. Mother could have been just like her. Mother could have made decisions that would have taken her down the same road. The hard reality is that both women clearly understood that while mother could have been just like that young girl -- the young girl would never be able to be mother. For sure, God could save her and she would have a better life from then on - but the past would remain. The hurts and sorrows and harsh living would forever be a part of her.
That's the problem with not having the truth or not sharing the truth with our children. When you don't speak up, your children march down roads of destruction and lose a large part of their lives.
I think instead of being so politically correct and instead of trying not to hurt any one's feelings - perhaps we need to instruct our children to keep it quiet and to themselves, but to be proud of the fact that their mistakes are minor. Be proud of the fact that you've never had hard liquor. Be proud of the fact that you are virgin when you marry. Be proud of the fact that you've never smoked or cussed or stole even so much as a pencil. Teach your children to live clean lives and be proud of those clean lives and you will give them the greatest gift on earth - a life well lived!
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
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