Tenderness and Love - The best parenting tool of all

The first three years of a baby's life is consumed bonding with Mom, Dad and close relatives.  They snuggle, coo, laugh and fall asleep contented to be in your lap.  A baby's mind is learning to trust you as his protector while developing a strong bond to look to you as his teacher and mentor.  Touch becomes an important tool of communication. Your main job is not to mess that up.  When he's able to move about, you must instruct your baby about his new world.  That often means that you will have to use the word "no."  Anytime you reprimand him, you must always use a template of tenderness and love.

Push his little hand away from the stove while you repeat the word "no".  Make sure he understands how dangerous it is to get near the stove.  When you are finished instructing him, kiss that little hand.  Tenderly let him know that he is loved and that your only reason for intervention is because you want to protect him.

Continue to use this template for every instruction you give your child.  While there may be times when you have to be a little more harsh in order to get the message across - never leave his presence without a wink, a dash of tenderness and some type of kiss or hug.  Your child must always be assured that you love him.  Even when he moves into the toddler age and begins to explore the world around him - most of the time they continue to look for Moms or Dads face for approval.  Forever they are linked to their parents with an insatiable desire for approval and acceptance. 

Why is this so important?  Once the template is used....once it's firmly in place....it will guide you all through his life.  Even when the strands of anger or rebellion enter his teen life - he will remember that he is loved and he will fight to maintain that love.  I know it seems like his anger is more important - but I've never met a child (or adult for that matter) that doesn't desire parent approval even when it isn't expressed externally.  The only time I've seen that desire destroyed is when a parent hasn't respected the template or when they have allowed the child to be disrespected, hurt or abused. 

The most success I've ever had in calming down stress and anger between parent and child is when a parent has used this "template" of tenderness and love during the course of a child's life.  When tempers flare all it takes is for Mom or Dad to place a loving hand on the child's shoulder and anger will start to dissipate.  Children who have been raised on tenderness and love - even when home rules are strict - those children will almost always respond favorably to a resurgence of love.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie