Children are great imitators.Children love to make faces and play follow the leader. So why does contemporary psychology lie about their ability to embrace the philosophies or traditions of their family?
While I can't address personal motives, I can guarantee that it is possible to teach your children to appreciate the things you love. Children are not destined to hate your life.
Children reject Mom and Dad's beliefs or likes and dislikes because they haven't been taught to love them. Let's put on our Mommy Detective star and see if we can figure our why children often reject family ties.
Let's suppose your child is four and very active. You have decided that since it's brought you so much pleasure, your child "must" understand and love symphonic music as you do. You make him sit very still in the living room and listen to your old tapes of symphonies. You try to point out special parts but he's either sleeping or uncomfortable because he has to be still. You decide to expose him to a live symphony but you end up taking him out of the auditorium when he can't sit still. You fuss all the way home about the price of the ticket and the awful way he acted.
Look at it from his point of view. You forced something that sounds boring on him and then required him to respect your views without giving him the tools to understand your views. You insisted that he control his active little body and endure a situation he doesn't understand without the slightest bit of help from you. I could list specifics like being frustrated when he yelled, "Where's the popcorn?" but...well....you get the picture.
The point is that if we want our children to love what we love, we have to understand their point of view and try to help them see ours. Above all, we must make it fun.
Dancing around the room and making up stories to go along with a symphony is a lot more appealing than trying to sit still and make pictures in your mind. Attending a concert in the park seems like more fun to a 5-year-old than going to a fancy auditorium. In other words....don't push - lead. Help your child "experience" the joy you have experienced.
Be patient. Stay calm. Be fun.
Even if your child develops a different viewpoint, at least he will be able to share in your appreciation for your heritage. I know many young adults that prefer contemporary music, but can appreciate the heritage of gospel music. I've watched them hug a grandparent and sing the old hymns until that grandparent burst into tears of love for both child and music. That moment becomes a treasured memory that will last both lifetimes.
It's a must that parents develop a strong heritage. Our children need to feel a strong connection to family and the things that define that family. The lessons for how to belong are taught best by the inclusion in family traditions and relationships. While it will turn out negative if we demand and push, it is possible to teach our children to accept and love who we are and what our family stands for.
My husband Ron comes from a rich heritage of farmers. I came from a rich heritage of preachers and city folks. When our children were born I decided that they would know both sides of the family. At the time we were living in Atlanta, Georgia - can't get more city than that - and they were miles from farmland. Every summer I packed a huge trunk and spent a month with Ron's parents on their 365 acre farm.
I encouraged the children to ride the tractors with grandpa and help grandma pick tomatoes and beans. We walked the dirt lanes that snaked into the corn and climbed apple trees for the sweetest apples growing near the top. We picked flowers and snuggled on green grass looking for pictures in the clouds. I was totally out of my element and had to work to find interesting things to do, but my children picked up on my desire to "love" Ron's heritage. I taught them to enjoy adventures and to appreciate another way of life.
All three children have an appreciation for the farm and the lifestyle of their grandparents. Going to the farm for a visit isn't a chore - it's a treat and a blessing. Anytime they see tractors or farmland, their face softens and they want to share the experience with their Dad. None of my children have chosen to be farmers - but that wasn't the goal. The goal was to give them a rich heritage and a strong self-esteem that says, "I belong to a family of worth."
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
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