"My four year old is a pretty good kid. He's normal of course and acts like a typical four year old, but he's not out of control. I can ask him to be nice or to sit still and he does. I can tell him "no" and he may argue a little, but he calms down and minds pretty quickly. That's why I'm puzzled. He has become a monster at Sunday School. His teacher is insisting that he's interrupting the class and that I need to do something. I've talked to him and to other parents, but I don't have a clue why this is happening. I've asked my husband if Sunday School is really all that necessary. Maybe we should just stay home. Oh...and the other thing is that he is fine during children's church - but a monster during Sunday school? I don't get it. Please help me." Of course I can help. If this is not normal behavior, then there's a reason he is acting out in Sunday School. This type of situation calls for a Mommy Detective.
Before we tackle what might be happening once you reach church, lets be sure everything at home is okay. Ask yourself the following questions...
1. Are you super busy on Saturday? In other words, is it possible that his routine is so drastically changed on Saturday that he feels out of sorts and irritable on Sunday.
2. Does he sleep well on Saturday nights? If he wakes up tired and irritable on Sunday it could be hard for him to get started. However, like employees on Monday afternoon, once he's had a meltdown in his first class - he has had the time to readjust and squeak by during children's church. Perhaps the difference in teaching personalities is enough to help him calm down.
3. Do you change his diet on Saturdays or on Sunday mornings? For example, are you eating fun foods like pizza on Saturday or donuts on Sunday mornings? A change in diet can cause irritability in children. Perhaps a trip to the potty before going to children's church eliminates some of the problem. Perhaps a snack food before children's church calms him down.
4. Check out his clothes. Is there anything he could be wearing on Sunday that might provoke a difference in his attitude. Perhaps it irritate him at first until he gets used to it.
5. How about your abilities on Sunday morning? Do you react differently to the Sunday morning rush than you do to the Monday morning rush. Perhaps you are more argumentative and you or your husband set the trend for the day.
Do the detective thing and quietly observe. Take several Sunday mornings to step back and just watch. Watch for any clue that your child is gearing up to be on the offensive.
If you still don't have a clue as to why your child is acting out, it's time to check out the Sunday school class. Continue to observe as you drive to church. Listen for any type of talk that would give you a clue. Listen to siblings and how they are responding to Sunday school, listen to your husbands conversation and pay attention to your own. Do you cut certain people down or give the impression that there are people at your church that don't deserve your compassion?
Spend the first week of observation walking around outside the door to your child's classroom. Without going inside you can listen without alarming the teacher or the other students. Listen not only to their conversations, but pay close attention to your child's reactions.
The second week, ask the teacher if you can sit in on the class. Explain to your child that you are doing some "very special work" and that he's not allowed to come to you during the class. If there is a curtain or some type of barrier, try to sit behind it so you can't be seen. Of course, everyone will watch their behavior with you in the room so being out of sight might cause them to relax and give you a clue as to what normally happens.
If you believe the teacher is partly to blame, don't jump all over her. Compassion is the key. Perhaps you could word it this way - "I think my son will respond differently if you approach him this way......"
The third week, sit in plain view so you can watch your child's body language. Watch his eyes and the placement of his hands. Does he seem confused or left out? Does he look as if he's not part of the group? How are the other children treating him? Is he having trouble relating to the other children or does he appear to have many friends?
Finally, attend children's church. For this part of your research, there's no need to be out of sight. Since your child does well here, the only thing you need to ask yourself is, how is this class different from Sunday School? How is the teacher different? How are his relationships different? How is he different? Does he appear to be sleepy - more subdued?
Finally, after you've done all the research - talk to your child. Doing all the research first will give you the right to discuss what he may be doing wrong. Ask him why he's having a problem. Listen for words or phrases that might suggest a headache or allergy. Listen for clues that might suggest learning difficulties or other issues with the teacher - without just accepting, "I don't like her". If he is partly to blame, insist that he change his behavior. Explain in detail why other will respond better to his needs if he changes his own behavior.
Once you feel like you have all the information, mull it over and cover it with prayer. You should be concerned about helping your child navigate through life. Don't just jump on the teacher, slam the class or become negative about the setting. Help your child and your church discover new ways to attend to every one's needs while accepting the fact that we are all on a journey to find out more about our faith and our Savior.
Pray, pray, pray. The clues should be coming together and forming a pattern. The clues should help your identify why your child is having a problem. If after all this you still can't see clearly - send the facts to me and we'll figure it out together.
Yes, I believe that Sunday School is necessary! Small children need to hear the old stories over and over geared to their age group. One of my dearest mentors was an elementary age Sunday school teacher. Don't take your children out of those wonderful classes. Instead, help him to learn how to enjoy every minute.
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
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