Stress Disorder in Children

You can't turn on the TV or radio without something being said about the horrible disaster in Haiti.  As adults we want to know what's going on and how we can help.  But for a child, the news can bring on fear that if left unattended could have the potential to lead to stress disorders. 

Most parents react by turning off the TV, avoiding any conversation about the issue and pretending that everything is okay.  That strategy is very dangerous.  It leads your child to believe that the situation is so devastating that it's become taboo to even talk about it.  And if they attend school and hear about it from others their information will likely be distorted and their fear will escalate.

The proper response is to accept your role as guide and interpreter of your child's world.  In other words you need to take an overview of the news and explain it in terms your child can understand.  Depending on his age, you may not need to go into descriptive details, but you do need to explain the cause for concern and how you are going to deal with it as parents and as a family.  Information is always key to helping your child feel safe.

Children are like hidden cameras. They are always watching their parents. Even when you don't think they are paying attention or listening to what you say - they are recording information. When there is a disaster, parents need to be aware that children are watching even closer and they pay close attention to our body language. Until a child has practiced how to properly process distressing information, there is a potential for great fear, misunderstanding and in some cases stress disorders. It's important that parents use the following method to help their children feel "safe".
1. Your child will process information first by listening and watching your body language. Be careful to stay calm, make sure your child sits close to you or even on your lap and make sure your "energy" in the situation helps your child feel safe.  Don't force him to sit with you if he seems uninterested or preocupied.  Make the offer (Billie, can you come sit with mommy?) and then wait.  Even if he's not sitting close, you can reassure him that everything is okay by the way you respond to the TV. ("I feel so sorry for them but look how wonderful it is that we are going to help.")

2. Even when children are a bit older, information about disasters can be distorted. Watch your child's face and body language for any signs of distress.  If you see stress either in their face or causing them to act out, ask questions.  "This is sad.  Is the news bothering you?"  "You don't usually act this way.  This news is making me feel sad.  Do you feel sad?"

3. You are your child's interpreter. It's your job to explain what's going on and why.  When your child hears newscasters going on and on about suffering, they may wonder if they are going to be required to suffer as well. Don't try to hide the news. Instead, accept it in a calm manner and interpret or explain it to your child. As interpreter, you need to explain where the suffering is in relation to your child.  You might want to get a map of the world and look at the distance between you and Haiti.   You may want to discuss eathquakes, why they happen and the liklihood of it not happening to you.  If you do live on a fault line, discuss the precautions you would take before and after one hits.  Discuss what caused the suffering and how you can be prepared so it won't be as devastating for you.  Be sure and point out the positive all along the way.  Spend the majority of time talking about how the relief efforts will ease their suffering and the positive things people are doing to solve the problem.  Once your explanation is over you will need to bring your child back to a place where he can feel safe and yet also be compassionate about others.  Do this by giving lots of hugs, allowing him to ask questions and assuring him that you are safe.

4. Be diligent in pointing out the good. Help your child look on suffering with compassion but also see the good that can be accomplished by those who choose to help with the relief efforts. Point out all the items that are being sent to that area and how it will help those in need.

5. Empower your child. Stress is best relieved by putting your fear into action.  Help your child do something to relieve the stress they might be feeling. Help them write a card, send a donation or simply pray that others will be able to relieve the suffering.

As a guide and interpreter to your children, you will be able to help them process difficult distressing news in a logical and loving manner.
 
Seeking His Wisdom,
 
Debbie

Clues for a Rebellion free home....

Clue: Why does any adult rebel clench his fist and assume the stance for a fight? Why do most dictatorship societies have rebel undergrounds that continually stab at the heart of the dictatorship?

Anytime a child, teen or adult feels that his life is not fair or logical or safe or that he is threatened and will be treated differently from everyone else - that individual will rebel.  If he feels that there is something missing in his life and someone who's blocking the path for him to acquire what he wants or needs - he will rebel.


So....how do you stop rebellion in your home?

The first clue is to make sure you can be trusted.   Many parenting books lead parents to believe that good discipline is the ability to get your child to do everything you want him to do, when you want it, without any questions.  Even when you administer rules in the kindest way possible - you can leave your child wondering if you are willing to protect his needs above your own. 

If we require compliance without a way to express different opinions, isn't that the definition of slavery?  And what happens with most slaves......They want to run away from their masters as soon as possible.

What parents must do then is to to make sure your child can trust you.  Make sure that as a parent your child can believe what you tell him and trust that you will follow through with fair judgement of him and the situation.

We are teachers.  When children are placed in our custody, we become their interpreter to the world.  We are responsible for explaining every detail so they will understand how to function properly.  Without understanding why they are required to obey, they never will believe we are telling the TRUTH. 

Demanding strict compliance to rules has a direct correlation to why so many teens rebel.  Put yourself in their shoes.  What other choice would you have if you felt like a slave?  Don't get me wrong: We had plenty of rules in our family, but every child knew why the rule existed and they knew the process required to change the rule.  They also were allowed to voice their discontent. 

If your child is not empowered or informed about life issues, he will not have the tools to properly judge situations.  When presented with a challenge, he will fight for his freedom rather than fight for what's right.  The most powerful thing you can do as a parent is to allow your child the freedom to grow without losing your influence as mentor and teacher.  It can be done.

When a child is completely convinced that an action is the only right thing to do, he will live it and fight for it.  Only when you have made an impression on his heart will you make an impression on his life!

Once your child feels "safe" and "supported" within his own home, rebellion will receive the kick it needs to start heading out the door.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie