Anytime a child, teen or adult feels that his life is not fair or logical or safe or that he is threatened and will be treated differently from everyone else - that individual will rebel. If he feels that there is something missing in his life and someone who's blocking the path for him to acquire what he wants or needs - he will rebel.
So....how do you stop rebellion in your home?
The first clue is to make sure you can be trusted. Many parenting books lead parents to believe that good discipline is the ability to get your child to do everything you want him to do, when you want it, without any questions. Even when you administer rules in the kindest way possible - you can leave your child wondering if you are willing to protect his needs above your own.
If we require compliance without a way to express different opinions, isn't that the definition of slavery? And what happens with most slaves......They want to run away from their masters as soon as possible.
What parents must do then is to to make sure your child can trust you. Make sure that as a parent your child can believe what you tell him and trust that you will follow through with fair judgement of him and the situation.
We are teachers. When children are placed in our custody, we become their interpreter to the world. We are responsible for explaining every detail so they will understand how to function properly. Without understanding why they are required to obey, they never will believe we are telling the TRUTH.
Demanding strict compliance to rules has a direct correlation to why so many teens rebel. Put yourself in their shoes. What other choice would you have if you felt like a slave? Don't get me wrong: We had plenty of rules in our family, but every child knew why the rule existed and they knew the process required to change the rule. They also were allowed to voice their discontent.
If your child is not empowered or informed about life issues, he will not have the tools to properly judge situations. When presented with a challenge, he will fight for his freedom rather than fight for what's right. The most powerful thing you can do as a parent is to allow your child the freedom to grow without losing your influence as mentor and teacher. It can be done.
When a child is completely convinced that an action is the only right thing to do, he will live it and fight for it. Only when you have made an impression on his heart will you make an impression on his life!
Once your child feels "safe" and "supported" within his own home, rebellion will receive the kick it needs to start heading out the door.
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
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