Most parents react by turning off the TV, avoiding any conversation about the issue and pretending that everything is okay. That strategy is very dangerous. It leads your child to believe that the situation is so devastating that it's become taboo to even talk about it. And if they attend school and hear about it from others their information will likely be distorted and their fear will escalate.
The proper response is to accept your role as guide and interpreter of your child's world. In other words you need to take an overview of the news and explain it in terms your child can understand. Depending on his age, you may not need to go into descriptive details, but you do need to explain the cause for concern and how you are going to deal with it as parents and as a family. Information is always key to helping your child feel safe.
Children are like hidden cameras. They are always watching their parents. Even when you don't think they are paying attention or listening to what you say - they are recording information. When there is a disaster, parents need to be aware that children are watching even closer and they pay close attention to our body language. Until a child has practiced how to properly process distressing information, there is a potential for great fear, misunderstanding and in some cases stress disorders. It's important that parents use the following method to help their children feel "safe".
1. Your child will process information first by listening and watching your body language. Be careful to stay calm, make sure your child sits close to you or even on your lap and make sure your "energy" in the situation helps your child feel safe. Don't force him to sit with you if he seems uninterested or preocupied. Make the offer (Billie, can you come sit with mommy?) and then wait. Even if he's not sitting close, you can reassure him that everything is okay by the way you respond to the TV. ("I feel so sorry for them but look how wonderful it is that we are going to help.")
2. Even when children are a bit older, information about disasters can be distorted. Watch your child's face and body language for any signs of distress. If you see stress either in their face or causing them to act out, ask questions. "This is sad. Is the news bothering you?" "You don't usually act this way. This news is making me feel sad. Do you feel sad?"
3. You are your child's interpreter. It's your job to explain what's going on and why. When your child hears newscasters going on and on about suffering, they may wonder if they are going to be required to suffer as well. Don't try to hide the news. Instead, accept it in a calm manner and interpret or explain it to your child. As interpreter, you need to explain where the suffering is in relation to your child. You might want to get a map of the world and look at the distance between you and Haiti. You may want to discuss eathquakes, why they happen and the liklihood of it not happening to you. If you do live on a fault line, discuss the precautions you would take before and after one hits. Discuss what caused the suffering and how you can be prepared so it won't be as devastating for you. Be sure and point out the positive all along the way. Spend the majority of time talking about how the relief efforts will ease their suffering and the positive things people are doing to solve the problem. Once your explanation is over you will need to bring your child back to a place where he can feel safe and yet also be compassionate about others. Do this by giving lots of hugs, allowing him to ask questions and assuring him that you are safe.
4. Be diligent in pointing out the good. Help your child look on suffering with compassion but also see the good that can be accomplished by those who choose to help with the relief efforts. Point out all the items that are being sent to that area and how it will help those in need.
5. Empower your child. Stress is best relieved by putting your fear into action. Help your child do something to relieve the stress they might be feeling. Help them write a card, send a donation or simply pray that others will be able to relieve the suffering.
As a guide and interpreter to your children, you will be able to help them process difficult distressing news in a logical and loving manner.
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
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