I planned to put up Christmas today. Ron came home with rather bad news yesterday so I thought it was time to put up a little Christmas and spread some joy.
I fixed my coffee - can't do anything without that - and munched on some cereal. I clicked on my favorite show, Fox and Friends, just in time to hear this tag line.
"We are going to speak with a mom who made her child stand on the street corner with a sign that said, 'I'm a thief and liar'. Stay tuned."
I almost snarfed cereal through my nose. What lunatic would do that? Of course I stayed tuned. To my horror it was true.
Some mother....better not say who.....was actually proud of what she had done. If the clip appears anywhere, I'd like to know about it. Here's what I remember about the interview.
Mom was asked, why did you do this?
Mom: I tried yelling and spanking and everything else. I couldn't get him to stop stealing money from my purse and smoking. So, I thought this might work. I made him write a sign saying I'm a liar and thief. I took him to a busy street corner and made him stand there for three hours. I sat in the car - I'm not a thief so I wasn't going to freeze. (my note: She didn't mind her child suffering in the cold, but she wasn't going to. Hum...is that love? One good thing, at least the child's face was covered by his coat so all you could see was his eyes)
Interviewer: What happened?
Mom: A couple of people stopped and prayed for him. Some others pointed fingers and told him he shouldn't do that.
Interviewer: Has it helped?
Mom: Well, ah...I don't know yet. He's just joining in with his friends in laughing about it. So far he's kind of like a celebrity. A lot of news camera's have picked it up.
Interviewer: I don't understand. You couldn't get him to stop lying, but he did obey and stand there.
Mom: Yeah, well... I guess there was some element of fear there.
Interviewer: What are you going to do if this doesn't work?
Mom: Ah...hum....I don't know....Counseling maybe?
Whoa! Yeah Bad Mom, but guess who needs the counseling? You!
For all my readers, I'm sorry if I am offending you - but child abuse always makes me mad. Let me explain why this is so bad.
First of all embarrassment never works....IT NEVER WORKS! You may think it's pulling out the big guns, but all you are doing is helping the child to repress whatever is wrong. Embarrassment never works because it hides the real issues that must be dealt with. AND....embarrassment will turn all your child's hate and dislike toward you. It builds huge walls between the parent and child that many times will never be broken.
Let's use this mom as an example. Her child may seem to be dealing with this for now. Unfortunately, she has placed herself outside the "family" bounds. Now she is part of the unfriendly world that this child doesn't want to talk to. No longer will she be perceived as a person he can trust with information. She will be seen as a person that "wants" to hurt him and he won't be able to trust her with any information that is bothering him. Even simple fun stuff like which girl he has a crush on will be withheld.
When he becomes a teen, the hiding will continue. Not only will he refuse to be seen with her, but he will not share information about his friends or social life. After all, if she would embarrass him why wouldn't she embarrass his friends. None of his friends will want to come to his house for fear she will hurt them. He now has a choice to make and it's between his friends or his mom. Since she can't be trusted, he will probably choose his friends.
His teen life will become Me vs. Mom and the arguing will reach epic levels. She won't be able to see that he lost his trust beginning at age 8 when she embarrassed him in front of the entire school and town - and he can't ever trust her and may not realize why.
She has also damaged the way any friends, neighbors, teachers or future bosses will see him. Forever - he will be labeled as a liar and thief. And in his eyes she will always carry the label of "not caring about his feelings and someone he can't trust". What was a small issue at age 8 has now become a life long problem. Anytime something is missing all eyes will turn his way. Anytime he says something a little out of the ordinary, no one will believe him.
At 16 he may be dating a girl. Someone is jealous and tells a lie on him. He tries to make it right, but no one believes him. The girl breaks up and he's facing his mom's label again. You see, the fact is that no matter how much we try to forgive and forget....once you are labeled as a thief or liar - most people will have doubts about you being totally cured. It takes a long time for people to actually believe you again. Most of the time young children and often many adults don't stick around long enough in a bad situation to prove their innocence.
Maybe he will go to another state to college thinking he can leave it all behind. He finds the girl of his dreams. He applies for the job of his dreams with a company that checks out everything about his life. Many corporations now use the Internet to cross reference a person's life. This story comes out and even though his face is not shown on TV, other parts of the story connect him as being that child. The company doesn't hire him (because they aren't sure they can trust him), his girl finds out and says she can't trust him - ends their courtship - and who does this young man hate now? Mom.
At that point Mom will be in counseling because not only is her son's life affected, but she is hated as well.
DON'T GO THERE! Embarrassment is not a discipline tool - it's just abuse. Embarrassment breaks relationships - and that's all it does. It shouldn't happen between friends, co-workers or in the school classroom. And more important - it should never happen between parent and child.
I think we all should pray for this child that he will find God and a way to deal with national attention for this horrible parenting. This is probably only the tip of iceberg as to what goes on in that home.
And if you are having issues in your home that you simply can't carry any longer....please, write me or at least buy my book, Discipline Exposed. Don't make decisions today that will end your loving family tomorrow.
"Dear God, please help this young man to find you. Please give him the strength to forgive and to live a normal life. And above all, please help this mom to find an honest counselor that will help her admit to her wrong."
Seeking your wisdom,
Debbie
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