Happy Mother's Day!

I love this!

Book review

I thought you might like to read a book review on my latest book Discipline Exposed.

http://marysworld411.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html

I would love to answer your questions about discipline.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie

Don't be afraid for your children - make them strong!

I find great personal satisfaction when I see a side of an issue that other people don't see. I like to turn and tweak an issue until I'm positive that I've considered every angle and every possible cause. For example, this issue with Carrie Prejean, Miss California. While I was thinking about how often liberals and the gay liberation rights movement is "mean spirited and dangerously aggressive" someone left a comment on a blog that made me smile. "Why is a gay man judging a woman's beauty pageant? They don't find women beautiful."

I laughed....good point! That's the kind of tweaking that I enjoy.

Many parents are worried about their children being swayed by the enticements of evil in our country. As a Mommy Detective, I see it from a different perspective.

When a newscaster bellows, "60% of high school teens say they have tried drugs and 40% say they do drugs at least once a month." - I don't go into fear mode. Instead I ask a question that I've never heard from any media source.

Why do teens need drugs? If we are going to be good Mommy Detectives, we must consider the whys as well as the facts. Because so many parents avoid that question, the current thought is that "teens are just naturally going to want drugs."

What nonsense! A happy teen with a strong self-esteem isn't going to be swayed by some slick talking drug dealer. A teen that respects his parents and has fun at home isn't going to ask his friends - "What can I do to stimulate my miserable life?" And here's the biggie.....a successful teen isn't going to hang around with drug addicts! Duh!

So why doesn't the media and psychologist ask why kids needs drugs? Simple....it's not news. Asking why doesn't sell advertising. Asking why doesn't bring more business into the counseling sector. And asking why may make parents feel guilty which may cause them to turn your station off.

But.....if you really want to help protect your child - ask the question! Ask yourself at least once a day, "What am I doing to help my child feel good about his life and his family?" At least once a day - maybe while riding home from work - ask yourself, "Have I done anything to cause my child to want to escape or to run to other teens for affirmation?" Make sure you are doing things in your home that will build relationships, offer information in a non-aggressive way and build a strong self-esteem that doesn't need to be jump started with some deviant behavior.

Knowing the needs of your child and doing everything you can to stay close to them will make them strong - and will send them running to you for help and consolation - rather than turning to drugs.

Talk, talk, talk to your children. Not in a "preachy" way, but rather with a conversational tone. Allow them to have an opinion. You should NOT insist that they share all of your opinions, but you should talk with them often enough so that they know your opinions. If you help your child respect you and you share a strong communication level - they will consider your opinions before making stupid decisions.

Make sure they see for themselves the end results of bad decisions. Allow them to see homeless drunks on the side of a street. Involve the entire family in serving at a homeless shelter or halfway house and let them see the end result of drugs or crime.

Encourage them to strive to be like good role models and make a success of their lives.

You have a choice. Either accept the lame excuses of the media or work to be the exception. Work to make your home a pleasant and wonderful place to be. Work to strengthen your relationship with your children so they will want to accept your opinions. If you make your children strong in their own ideas.....you won't have to be afraid that they will fall to evil ways.

If you would like to know more on this subject, purchase my book Discipline Exposed and find out how you can protect your children.

You don't have to be afraid of the future for your children. You can be a successful parent!

Seeking His Wisdom

Debbie

Changing the world with your home...#1

A beautiful newlywed was talking about the state of America and the world. She put her hands on her hip and announced, "We have decided not to have children. We would love to have a child but don't think it's right to bring a child into the world when we don't know how things are going to turn out."

I choked on my coke and patted my foot. "Oh darling no! Having children is not about protecting them from the troubles of this world. Having children is about raising courageous, strong individuals that will change the world for good."

What if God has destined you to raise a president or the next Billy Graham? What if God has equipped you to raise a child that will discover the cure for some disease or help this country move into an economic boom? By not having children you are depriving the next generation of the very people that could save this world. By not having children you will secure that evil takes over because your child won't be there to fight against it.

Great parenting isn't filled with fear or a defeatist attitude. Great parents are those that see the future for what it is - a place where God can take a life and create the extraordinary person that can light the way for the rest of us.

Don't miss your opportunity to change the world through your children and the influence of your family. God created your unique family with a purpose. Don't be afraid to let him use you to make a difference.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie

30 ways to change your home

The proof of how you are dealing with the current social and political issues is found first in your home. Do you come home and feel that you are entering a recluse where you can recover from the cruel outside world? Or, do you come home to another war that heaps even more stress into your life? Are you excited to be home or do you wish you could run away? Do you yell and fuss at everyone in the house or are your evenings filled with kind words and lots of hugs?

Do you realize that your children will also view your home in the same way you do? Is it a place of support for them or like you, is it a place of further humiliation and pain?

In the next few weeks I will be discussing 30 ways to improve your home life. It will include tips as well as directions for building a home that is both pleasant and supportive. I promise that if you follow these tips, your life will change.

I hope you will make this a discussion with plenty of comments and questions. Please tell your friends to join us. We will all find ways to make our homes better and that will ultimately make the community better which will in turn ripple out into our country. Every time we invest in our homes and our children, we make changes to the landscape of this country. What you do in your home matters to all of us. You can choose to be a light and an example - or you can choose to be part of the problem.

When times are tough in the outside world, we need a place to return for strength and to recuperate. My home has been that way. I know how to help you create that type of home. I hope you will join me.

Seeking his wisdom

Debbie

I'm so mad I can't think....

All parents have been at the point of irrational thinking. We are busy and our child keeps nagging or we have work to do and our child whines or starts a fight with a sibling. We know it's our job to teach them....but we are worried about other things and can't stop to handle the situation. Almost every parent I've ever taught or counseled with has asked the question, "Why can't my child get it? Why can't they wait? Why are they doing this?"

When the stress elevates, an overwhelming majority of parents use what they believe is the fastest form of punishment. They begin taking things away. "Okay, that's it mister. I'm taking your CD player." or "That's it young lady, no more TV for you."

Parents have the mistaken idea that they are the same as our public detention centers or wardens in a jail. That our children are criminals and the only way to get them to mind is to strip their lives of fun or entertainment.

That may let a 20 year old killer know that he's lost all his rights in society, but it will not change the attitude or lifestyle of your child. That will take a different strategy.

First of all, you don't want to be perceived as the Big Bad Boo-gey Mom who steps into their lives and creates only negative vibes. You don't want to be the thief that takes away all their possessions.

Second, you don't want to be an Indian giver. After all, being an Indian giver can set you up as someone that can't be trusted. Didn't you allow the priviledge or gift because you loved them or as a reward or as a birthday or Christmas gift. What gives you the right to destroy those good times by taking away the very thing you gave them in the first place?

Third, taking things away usually will only be depressing to your child - not inspiring. And what you are trying to do is "inspire" them to do their homework or "inspire" them to stop fighting. Inspiration comes through the acknowledgement that there's something better out there. It doesn't come through depression because you've just lost everything.

Put it in your terms. How would you feel if your boss comes in and gives you a new task - that you have no instructions on how to complete - and say, "Do this and do this right or you will lose a day of vacation for every time you mess up." You might try at first, but when your vacation begins to shrink, you are going to start looking for another job - you aren't going to try harder.

Next time your child misbehaves, instead of taking something away - find out why the misbehavior occurred and then be creative in your teaching and in presenting a plan that will

"inspire" your child to do what's right.

Seeking His Wisdom

Debbie

Child depression during difficult times

Did you know that children never really cut the "parental" umbilical cord? Oh, some may think they have. They get all puffed up and rant and rave about their rights. They move out and think that distance will somehow prove that they have left their parents in the dust. But....the truth of the matter is that I've never met a child or an adult that didn't either have deep feelings for their parents - or wished they had parents they could respect.

It's just a fact of life. Children are connected to their parents. It's part of who we are.

But....this isn't a lesson on how to respond properly to your parents. This lesson is for parents.

Mom....Dad....once you decide to have a child, everything you do or say or feel will cause a reaction in your children. Sorry. Nothing you can do about it, it's gonna be there!

So, when you come home from work and you are really mad at your boss. When you stomp around the house and yell at your children - they are going to think they are the cause of all your stress.

Mom, when you are too tired to go on and you start crying while loading the washer - little Johnny is going to hear you and think he's done something wrong.

Every child I've ever counseled with during their parent's divorce "always" believes that if they were just better, if they had been good, if they had worked and received better grades - somehow all of that would have made a difference and Mom and Dad would be together.

Children get their clues for their safety and well being from you!

Why did Laura Bush address the nation right after 911? To caution all parents to be careful about letting their children watch the news. "Sit with them and reassure them that they are safe," was her plea to parents.

So...during these difficult times - watch your child's face. Be careful about discussing the budget or Dad's job in front of them. Rather than emphasizing the bad, try to concentrate on the good. Even if you are losing your home or you have to go bankrupt, make a point to sit and explain it to your child. Make sure you concentrate on the fact that you all will be okay because you have each other. You all will survive because your love is strong. Give your child hope even when facing the worst situation.

Even when life is hard, your child still needs love. Don't stop loving, hugging, tickling and praising your child. Your children are your most prized possessions. Treasure them and make sure they make it through this with a grateful, loving and positive heart.

Want an example? Rent the movie "Life is Beautiful" with Roberto Benigni. This is a story of great parenting during the most trying situation. A father and son are sent to a consentration camp. Through it all, the father not only gives the child a reason to be hopeful, but he helps him survive that horrible ordeal. I laughed and cried through the entire picture. A must see!

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie