All parents have been at the point of irrational thinking. We are busy and our child keeps nagging or we have work to do and our child whines or starts a fight with a sibling. We know it's our job to teach them....but we are worried about other things and can't stop to handle the situation. Almost every parent I've ever taught or counseled with has asked the question, "Why can't my child get it? Why can't they wait? Why are they doing this?"
When the stress elevates, an overwhelming majority of parents use what they believe is the fastest form of punishment. They begin taking things away. "Okay, that's it mister. I'm taking your CD player." or "That's it young lady, no more TV for you."
Parents have the mistaken idea that they are the same as our public detention centers or wardens in a jail. That our children are criminals and the only way to get them to mind is to strip their lives of fun or entertainment.
That may let a 20 year old killer know that he's lost all his rights in society, but it will not change the attitude or lifestyle of your child. That will take a different strategy.
First of all, you don't want to be perceived as the Big Bad Boo-gey Mom who steps into their lives and creates only negative vibes. You don't want to be the thief that takes away all their possessions.
Second, you don't want to be an Indian giver. After all, being an Indian giver can set you up as someone that can't be trusted. Didn't you allow the priviledge or gift because you loved them or as a reward or as a birthday or Christmas gift. What gives you the right to destroy those good times by taking away the very thing you gave them in the first place?
Third, taking things away usually will only be depressing to your child - not inspiring. And what you are trying to do is "inspire" them to do their homework or "inspire" them to stop fighting. Inspiration comes through the acknowledgement that there's something better out there. It doesn't come through depression because you've just lost everything.
Put it in your terms. How would you feel if your boss comes in and gives you a new task - that you have no instructions on how to complete - and say, "Do this and do this right or you will lose a day of vacation for every time you mess up." You might try at first, but when your vacation begins to shrink, you are going to start looking for another job - you aren't going to try harder.
Next time your child misbehaves, instead of taking something away - find out why the misbehavior occurred and then be creative in your teaching and in presenting a plan that will
"inspire" your child to do what's right.
Seeking His Wisdom
Debbie
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