Child abuse destroys lives

On my Family Tracks blog I'm doing a series on abuse.  My first post was about the fact that abuse destroys lives.  I thought I would run the Children's version here.

All parents are very busy.  When you decide to bring a new life into the world - you are also deciding to double your work load.  For the next 18 years plus, you will put another human and their needs above your own.  You will be in construction mode to help give them the best home life you can provide.  You will share all your money, your possessions and as much time as you can to give them the start they need to be successful in life. 

But do you realize that while you are in the "providing" mode....you must also be in the "preventing" mode. 

Abuse will destroy your child's ability to function properly in his adult life. 

Physical abuse will send him/her one of two ways.  Either they will be filled with fear and guilt or they will fight like dogs in protection mode.  Physical abuse also strips all self-esteem and makes it extremely difficult to establish proper self-esteem later. 

Take note "strict" parents.  Even if you think you are only administering proper punishment - it can be "interpreted" by your child as physical abuse and create the same loss of self-esteem.  PLEASE I beg you....read my book on discipline and learn the proper way to discipline.  Discipline is extremely important and must be done properly or it will damage your child's life.

While physical abuse (punishment or molesting) can ruin a child's life - mental abuse often is even more damaging.

I heard one mother say, "I would never abuse my child.  I don't agree with physical punishment of any kind."  Later she brought her child to me for counseling.  The child was fearful, couldn't function socially and had no self-esteem.  It only took ten minutes for me to see the problem.  Mom announced in front of the child that she was lazy, a slob, stupid, fat and a complete disappointment.  She followed those daggers with, "But she's my child and I love her so much."  When she reached to hug her daughter, the young girl turned away.  The mother looked at me and complained.  "See...see what I have to put up with.  She's mean and a horrible child." 

It's been proven that it will take 10 loving compliments to cross out one negative statement!

That means that if you are dishing out negative statements all day long followed by one hug and kiss at night - you are failing your child.  Your child will see his home as a negative place to be.  No wonder they turn on us when they are teens.

I have a challenge for you today.  Get a pen and paper and for the next week keep a record of every statement you say to your husband and to your children.  Make four columns.  Label those four columns  Name....Date......Positive......Negative.  Every time you make a comment to that person record the date and if it was positive or negative.  At the end of the week you'll be able to tell if your home is positive or negative.

I pray today that you will show the positive, powerful love of Christ in your home and allow your child to become all that God created him to be.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie