Yet, I've watched parents punish their children because they aren't adults. They ask a three-year-old to sit quietly for a solid hour without any stimulation and then fuss when the attempt fails. They demand that a five year old shop all day and when he becomes disagreeable the parental fussing begins. The barrage of "Wait till I get you home" or "You are being so bad that I'm not going to buy that toy I promised" - begins and the child is taught that he can't trust his parent for his personal needs.
Know what your child is capable of at his age and don't try to push him beyond his personal limits. Yes....push him to be better mentally or to push a little harder socially. But don't ask him to ignore his physical and emotional "needs" in order to do something that you want done.
Some of the worst parenting I've ever seen happens in stores and malls. Children who are pushed way beyond what they are capable of handling are punished for simply being...children. As the holidays approach I hope that you will be pro-active and make shopping a fun experience for you and your child.
For example, when you take a child shopping (which I always did - it is good training)...start early. They are best during morning hours when they are refreshed from a restful night.
Take plenty of snacks, drinks and small toys. It will be easier for them to wait for you to make a purchase if they have something to do. Also...to avoid a fuss from you, take items that are inexpensive or insignificant so it won't be a problem if they are lost. Yes...teach them to be responsible but don't expect perfection from a small child riding in a stroller.
Make sure that if your child is walking, but it's going to be a long day that you take your stroller anyway - or rent one at the mall. Think of how hard it is for you to walk and wait if your feet hurt or if you are tired. You don't want to lose your temper if your 5 year old suddenly decides he can't walk any farther.For small children you may want to schedule an out of the stroller time after every store. Taking 5 minutes to let them stretch their legs will make the next store trip easier to take.
If your child can't sleep in a stroller, either break up the day by going home for a nap or fix a way for them to sleep in the car. Some stores now have family friendly rooms where it might be possible for a child to take a nap.
I always gave my child a reason to be good. We played the one hour game. For one hour I would shop and they sat in a stroller and played with their toys or ate their snacks. To engage them I talked as much as possible, "Do you like this? Do you think Daddy's would want this? What color is this?" anything to keep them engaged. After one hour of my shopping I would take them to their fun place or to a toy store for 15 minutes. They knew they could count on me and that my promise was good! They were always told they could not buy anything but that they could do what I was doing....shop. As they got older I purchased watches so they could time me and...learn to tell time.
Being pro-active will help you survive those difficult times. Understanding your child's age capabilities will help you to help them.
These hints and more will be in my next booklet...."Goof Proof Holidays!"
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
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