Watch His Face!

I like Fox news. I like the personalities and the honesty in their reporting. However, today they had a segment that made me both furious and sad.

When parents aren't sure what to do, they can make some horrible mistakes. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of people schooled on being a "Mommy or Daddy detective". Again, that doesn't mean you invade your child's space. It does mean that you are looking for the clues that will tell you what's going on with your child. It does mean that you are going to be creative in finding a way into your child's heart.

I caution in my book Discipline Exposed, that using embarrassment as a form of punishment will never work. In my new book, Mommy Detective, I explain all the reasons why.

The segment on Fox was about parents who were so frustrated with why their child wasn't making good grades, that they made him wear a sandwich sign listing his grades and ending with a negative statement about his future. The parents explained that they had talked with teachers and professionals and that they were so worried about his grades that they didn't feel they had any other choice.

When Brian asked the 12 year old how he felt about it, his only remark was that "it sucks". For the rest of the 90 second interview he sat between his parents looking totally embarrassed and at certain times he rolled his eyes. Tears flooded my eyes as I thought, "Isn't anyone watching this child's face?" I felt so sorry for him. His problem was no longer bad grades - now he was a national example of failure.

These "uninformed" destructive parents were actually congratulated by people e-mailing the station. Gretchen (so disappointed in this) said she admired the parents for taking a stand.

Okay. I agree that parents should be pro-active in their child's life. But if you don't take your child into consideration and you make a "stupid" decision like this one - you aren't helping. You will damage your child.

Here's why this method will not work....

Embarrassment never works because you can't control the outcome. If your child hits little brother and you've tried everything else - you can take matters in hand and put him in the corner or smack his little behind or get creative and make him "serve" his little brother in some way. With all of those actions, you can control both the responses and the environment. The situation and responses are confined to your home and to three personalities only. No one else is involved and you can oversee the good responses as well as the bad ones.

But....if you open the playing field to extended family, friends or the public - you are no longer in control. Grandma who doesn't understand the issue may say something that will stay with him forever. What if she says, "I'm so disappointed in you. I always thought you were a little delinquent. I guess you are going to grow up and be as stupid as your father."

While most grandmothers would take up for the child and not say something like this - there are a few that would. Now you aren't only dealing with a small altercation between brothers, now you have brought the issues of self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy and failure, and the deterioration of love for grandma into the mix. As those issues bombard your child, you aren't dealing with a simple brother/brother issue. Now you have to defend or support people who don't have your child's best interest at heart.

Your role as parent is to protect your child from the outside world until he is strong enough and wise enough to provide his own protection. Until then, if you throw him out for ridicule by the public - you are placing your child into a situation that he's not prepared for and allowing other people to hurt him. You are also ultimately placing your rights as parents into the hands of strangers.

And will this change your child's bad behavior? Absolutely not. He will choose one of two responses. He will either be so embarrassed that he will continue to fail just to say.... "Okay, you think I'm a delinquent - I'll just accept it and prove that you're right."

Or...He will be so embarrassed that he will change his behavior on that one point. He will refrain from hitting brother. However, he will be so angry about the embarrassment that the problem will manifest itself in other areas. So, he may be nice to brother, but decide mom is the issue and he will take all his anger out on mom.

I would guess that 90% of the issues with parents of teens is based on the fact that teens don't trust and won't talk to their parents. Well, duh! If you throw your child into an embarrassment situation, why would they ever trust you with internal or personal information again? You just proved to them that you are more interested in public opinion and personal action than you are in the protection of your child's feelings! Who could trust that? I wouldn't. Think about it in your own life. Would you put up with a boss that berates and belittles you in front of other co-workers? Would you continue to go to a church if the pastor stops in his sermon to point to you and ask - "Have you conquered your problem of lying yet?"

No? Well, why in the world would you do that to your child?

As Mommy and Daddy Detectives you must be clear on this....Your job as a parent is to see inside your child and discover what is TRUTH. Maybe he hits because he feels brother is getting more attention. Maybe you've never taught him how to properly handle anger and frustration. Maybe when you aren't looking, little brother is mean or starts arguments.

If you don't find out and handle the real source of your child's problem, you are only suppressing a problem on one end ultimately causing it to erupt on the other end.

So Debbie, what would you tell the parents on Fox? I would tell them the damage has been done. While they may be getting positive responses to their actions, it's not their parenting self-esteem that caused this problem. They need to quickly find out what is being said to that child by his peers. They need to find out what's happening now that they have displayed him negatively on national television. And...they need to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Their relationship with their son is in jeopardy and before they fix anything else - that must be repaired.

And as far as the grades are concerned. What if he's really smart and just bored with school? What if the teachers are bad? What if no one has "inspired" him to love learning? What if he doesn't turn in homework because he needs help remembering long term tasks? What if he's being bullied and has chosen to be stupid so people will look the other way? What if someone that he admires has convinced him that he's stupid - oh wait....the parents have already done that!

If you want more information about how to handle this right by developing a behavior modification plan or implementing a truth time with your children, please order my book Discipline Exposed. You can also send me an e-mail. I will be happy to help you.

Seeking God's Wisdom

Debbie

Do you know your child?

Once when I was counseling with a young mom, I stopped her in mid-sentence to ask, "Do you really know your child?"

She was horrified. "Of course, I know my child. What kind of question is that? I love my child. I think he's the greatest. I can't believe you said that to me."

I'm sure that you know his weight and his eye color. I'm positive that you kiss him often and that you are proud of how he looks and how smart he is at school....but do you know the "real" person? Do you know what his fears are? Do you know if he gets nervous when called on in class? Do you know if he stands on the sidelines at recess or if he intimidates others? Has he ever thought a cuss word, or maybe even yelled it at a friend? Is he positive when he talks about you to his friends? On the way to church, with the radio blasting out a tune, does he stare at clouds and wonder if there really is a God or is it all a joke?

She stared at me as if I was an alien. Finally she pushed her hair behind her ears and looked down at her feet. "Well....how am I supposed to know all that? That's his personal thoughts. He would never tell me those things."

Ah....the real question then is why not? If one of those issues was churning in your mind and you met a life time friend for lunch - wouldn't you share with her? Why wouldn't it be just as easy to share with a person you live with? Someone who sits across the table at least 12-14 times a week should be easy to talk to. A person that does your undies and watches TV with you shouldn't be hard to approach? Why doesn't you child feel comfortable talking with you?

Building a strong line of communication is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. Yes, you must assume the role of parent. But that doesn't mean you are the big bad boogeymom all the time. Sometimes the role of parent is one of confidant. Sometimes you need to be the keeper of secrets and the protector of inner fears.

After all, you will never know how to help a child until you know their inner thoughts.

Try to see the world from their point of view. NEVER SAY TO YOUR CHILD, "Ahh, that's no big deal." That's a sure fire way to stop communication.

Next time you talk to your pre-teen, imagine that you have a pimply face, moderate clothes and that you are shy. Close your eyes and think about what it would feel like to be snubbed by the cutest guy in class or to have the most popular girl point at you and giggle. You can't possibly talk intelligently with your teen until you feel their pain.

Next time your six year old cries about the pressure of first grade, don't go into some grand speech about being tough. Instead look into her world. Imagine her teacher yelling and the other children staring. Be sympathetic and only after you've won her confidence....then give her steps to lead her out of her problem.

Parents must provide their child with answers.....but before we give them answers we must be sure we see their world through their eyes.

Seeking his wisdom,

Debbie

Bullies

One of the toughest problems for young children is bullying - especially on the elementary school age level.

Now there's hope. The American Doll Corporation has decided to help young girls with courage. Their new 2009 Doll of the year - Chrissa - will help young girls find the courage to stand up for herself and others.

You can check out this courageous new doll and her friends at http://store.americangirl.com/agshop/static/home.jsf or you can order it through my Amazon.com website link in the sidebar.

It seems like it would be a wonderful tool to open the lines of communication so you can talk to your daughter about courage and bullies. Let me know what you think!

As far as dealing with bullies, one of your most important tools is "communication". Bullies use scare tactics to keep your child from talking with you. That's the only way they can remain in control. They may even go so far as to convince your child that if he/she talks to you about the bully - that they have a way to hurt the family. Most of the time there's no way a bully can hurt the family - but the innocence of your child may make him feel like the bully is telling the truth.

Only when your child knows that "you" will protect them, that bullies can't hurt you or your child and that "you" will be on their side - only then will a child have the courage to tell you what's going on.

Remember: You can't diffuse a bully unless you know what he's doing to your child. Get the facts in a loving and safe environment.

Seeking His Wisdom

Debbie

Teen dating rejection

Dating is a very difficult issue for a lot of teens. Because there are so many variables in dating, it's difficult to properly train for dating. Some things must be learned by trial and error. Unfortunately, dating has become dangerous. It's important for parents to be as involved in the process as possible. The following parent asked for teen dating help.

"My daughter is 16, pretty and very outgoing. She complains on a regular basis that she is lonely even though she has a lot of girl friends at church and has gone on many dates. She's frustrated that boys don't seem to like her more than a few weeks.

At first we resisted when she said she thought she was to blame. But after several guys seemed to really like her and broke up within weeks, we became concerned. We've had several teens over and tried to listen to her conversations without her knowing. She seems to be nice and everyone seems to like her.

We've wondered if it was because she was a Christian but all the guys she's dated have been Christians. We also wondered if these Christian guys wanted more from her than she was willing to give. You know, how some guys claim to be Christians and yet act like non-Christians on a date. Anyway, she says that they haven't even asked and she barely has had enough second dates to get to that point. Do you have any ideas what it may be? We really don't want her involved in a serious relationship, but we don't want her to lose her self-esteem either."

After discussing the situation by e-mail, we settled on a specific issue that her parents are going to watch and discuss with her.

All children develop socially based on their own inner clock and the circumstances surrounding their formative years. Issues like divorce, death, sick siblings, abuse can all impact the dating self-esteem of children and young adults.

Some teens - especially those with highly determined personalities - can face difficult issues with a stubborn but positive attitude. For example, a highly motivated teen that hasn't experienced a trauma of some sort may face the possibility of a date's rejection with a "who cares" attitude.

A highly motivated teen who can't tolerate rejection may put a positive spin on the situation by thinking, "Watch this....I'll make you like me." They may not realize their thoughts are affecting their dating habits.

In the 70's young people began to use the term "I need my space." That came from a psychological study that proved 98% of people like to maintain a 3' barrier around their body. Only a very close relationship will be allowed inside that barrier. Men maintain their barrier even longer as a statement of remaining in control. Women release the barrier sooner but reserve that space as a sign that she wants the man to take the relationship to the next level.

That's why holding hands, putting a hand on the forearm or sitting close - still reflects boyfriend/girlfriend to other people. Other gestures that would suggest entering into that protected space would also qualify as getting too close - too soon.

It's very important when dating that you wait for clues from your date as to how you should proceed. If you are talking in a restuarant and you move inside the 3' barrier, it can "feel" the same as a kiss in public. If you are constantly smiling, always agreeable and never have your own opinion - you can give the impression you are trying too hard. If you lean in and seem excited when most people would simply ask another question - it can make a date feel uncomfortable. If you insert too many clues that you want the relationship to go further when your date hasn't made that commitment, it can make him/her feel as if you are too clingy and needy. Feeling uncomfortable or that your space has been invaded without permission will push a date away quicker than anything else.

The best advice for any young teen as they begin to date is to treat their date the same as they would any friend. Get to know them and let them know you. Be honest and truthful. Don't be afraid to "kindly" disagree. Disagreements can be endearing as well as negative.

Be careful how much you do for your date. It's always fun in a dating situation to remember special days and to give sweet gifts. That's fine. However, be careful and make sure you are busy enough to let your date know that your life doesn't revolve around him/her. Space is an issue here as well. Until you have expressed love for someone, it's uncomfortable to think their entire life is on hold waiting for a response from you. A little mystery is a good thing.

Never push! If someone likes you - great! If they don't, it's probably for the best. Just be yourself. God's match designed just for you won't be able to find you if you are pretending to be someone you aren't!

Don't be afraid of letting go. Unless your goal is to experience divorce - remember that it's much better to let go of someone that isn't right than to marry them and find out it's an impossible situation. Never try to change anyone....it doesn't work! No matter how much you love them remember that God's love is the only love that can overcome faults.

Always be honest with yourself. What you may think is desire on his/her part may only be friendship. Make sure your friends know you want them to be truthful and then trust their opinions.

I suggested this Mom and Dad watch their daughter not through parent's eyes - but through the eyes of a prospective date. I've had several friends who drove dates away in droves just because they moved too fast and pushed too hard because they were lonely. An outgoing friend can be fun, a pushy date is impossible.

Seeking his wisdom

Debbie

Bad Mom....Bad, Bad Mom

I planned to put up Christmas today. Ron came home with rather bad news yesterday so I thought it was time to put up a little Christmas and spread some joy.

I fixed my coffee - can't do anything without that - and munched on some cereal. I clicked on my favorite show, Fox and Friends, just in time to hear this tag line.

"We are going to speak with a mom who made her child stand on the street corner with a sign that said, 'I'm a thief and liar'. Stay tuned."

I almost snarfed cereal through my nose. What lunatic would do that? Of course I stayed tuned. To my horror it was true.

Some mother....better not say who.....was actually proud of what she had done. If the clip appears anywhere, I'd like to know about it. Here's what I remember about the interview.

Mom was asked, why did you do this?

Mom: I tried yelling and spanking and everything else. I couldn't get him to stop stealing money from my purse and smoking. So, I thought this might work. I made him write a sign saying I'm a liar and thief. I took him to a busy street corner and made him stand there for three hours. I sat in the car - I'm not a thief so I wasn't going to freeze. (my note: She didn't mind her child suffering in the cold, but she wasn't going to. Hum...is that love? One good thing, at least the child's face was covered by his coat so all you could see was his eyes)

Interviewer: What happened?

Mom: A couple of people stopped and prayed for him. Some others pointed fingers and told him he shouldn't do that.

Interviewer: Has it helped?

Mom: Well, ah...I don't know yet. He's just joining in with his friends in laughing about it. So far he's kind of like a celebrity. A lot of news camera's have picked it up.

Interviewer: I don't understand. You couldn't get him to stop lying, but he did obey and stand there.

Mom: Yeah, well... I guess there was some element of fear there.

Interviewer: What are you going to do if this doesn't work?

Mom: Ah...hum....I don't know....Counseling maybe?

Whoa! Yeah Bad Mom, but guess who needs the counseling? You!

For all my readers, I'm sorry if I am offending you - but child abuse always makes me mad. Let me explain why this is so bad.

First of all embarrassment never works....IT NEVER WORKS! You may think it's pulling out the big guns, but all you are doing is helping the child to repress whatever is wrong. Embarrassment never works because it hides the real issues that must be dealt with. AND....embarrassment will turn all your child's hate and dislike toward you. It builds huge walls between the parent and child that many times will never be broken.

Let's use this mom as an example. Her child may seem to be dealing with this for now. Unfortunately, she has placed herself outside the "family" bounds. Now she is part of the unfriendly world that this child doesn't want to talk to. No longer will she be perceived as a person he can trust with information. She will be seen as a person that "wants" to hurt him and he won't be able to trust her with any information that is bothering him. Even simple fun stuff like which girl he has a crush on will be withheld.

When he becomes a teen, the hiding will continue. Not only will he refuse to be seen with her, but he will not share information about his friends or social life. After all, if she would embarrass him why wouldn't she embarrass his friends. None of his friends will want to come to his house for fear she will hurt them. He now has a choice to make and it's between his friends or his mom. Since she can't be trusted, he will probably choose his friends.

His teen life will become Me vs. Mom and the arguing will reach epic levels. She won't be able to see that he lost his trust beginning at age 8 when she embarrassed him in front of the entire school and town - and he can't ever trust her and may not realize why.

She has also damaged the way any friends, neighbors, teachers or future bosses will see him. Forever - he will be labeled as a liar and thief. And in his eyes she will always carry the label of "not caring about his feelings and someone he can't trust". What was a small issue at age 8 has now become a life long problem. Anytime something is missing all eyes will turn his way. Anytime he says something a little out of the ordinary, no one will believe him.

At 16 he may be dating a girl. Someone is jealous and tells a lie on him. He tries to make it right, but no one believes him. The girl breaks up and he's facing his mom's label again. You see, the fact is that no matter how much we try to forgive and forget....once you are labeled as a thief or liar - most people will have doubts about you being totally cured. It takes a long time for people to actually believe you again. Most of the time young children and often many adults don't stick around long enough in a bad situation to prove their innocence.

Maybe he will go to another state to college thinking he can leave it all behind. He finds the girl of his dreams. He applies for the job of his dreams with a company that checks out everything about his life. Many corporations now use the Internet to cross reference a person's life. This story comes out and even though his face is not shown on TV, other parts of the story connect him as being that child. The company doesn't hire him (because they aren't sure they can trust him), his girl finds out and says she can't trust him - ends their courtship - and who does this young man hate now? Mom.

At that point Mom will be in counseling because not only is her son's life affected, but she is hated as well.

DON'T GO THERE! Embarrassment is not a discipline tool - it's just abuse. Embarrassment breaks relationships - and that's all it does. It shouldn't happen between friends, co-workers or in the school classroom. And more important - it should never happen between parent and child.

I think we all should pray for this child that he will find God and a way to deal with national attention for this horrible parenting. This is probably only the tip of iceberg as to what goes on in that home.

And if you are having issues in your home that you simply can't carry any longer....please, write me or at least buy my book, Discipline Exposed. Don't make decisions today that will end your loving family tomorrow.

"Dear God, please help this young man to find you. Please give him the strength to forgive and to live a normal life. And above all, please help this mom to find an honest counselor that will help her admit to her wrong."

Seeking your wisdom,

Debbie

TRUTH is the Answer to parenting

In my book, Discipline Exposed, I explain that the only way to effectively parent is with TRUTH. After looking at the original manuscript for this book, my editor called to point out a typo. "Debbie, every time you mention truth your computer capitalized the word. We need to fix that."

"Do we have to? I did it on purpose because I believe that TRUTH is the most important component of good parenting." If you purchase my book you will see that the editor agreed.

Today there was an article at the online magazine One News Now. It reported on a new study by the Josephson Institute. More than 29,000 students were surveyed. The lack of honesty and a desire to live by the TRUTH was scary.

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=341232

64 % admitted to cheating on a test

36% claimed to have used the Internet to plagiarize their school work

42% lied to save money

93% were satisfied with their personal ethics

Here's the problem....if our young people don't understand truth and honesty....what will our future be like?

Dr. Bill Maier of Focus on the Family pointed out, "We've seen over the last generation or so a move to question absolute truth and certainly to question biblical truth -- and it really doesn't surprise me that now we are starting to see the result in the behavior of our young people."

Okay Moms and Dads....think about it! Your children and all the other children across this nation are our future leaders, business owners, parents and spouses. If they are willing to lie and cheat their way through school, what's to prevent them from lying to client or botching an operation because they don't know what they are doing?

TRUTH is everything. You must teach your child to live by and for TRUTH. It's the only way to teach your faith and the only hope that America has of staying free.

If you don't know how to parent by TRUTH - you can purchase my book or send me a personal e-mail. If you do nothing, your relationship suffers and so does America.

You can do this! We can do it together - I'll help you. It's not hard. I promise you and your child will enjoy the process.

Seeking God's Wisdom,

Debbie

Christmas Meltdown

Debbie, I need help!

I'm trying to have a good Christmas season, but my son is having daily meltdowns! I've taken away all the sugar (even though he's not usually hyperactive) I've scolded him and done more time outs than you can imagine. I've talked to him and even sent him to his room. I don't want to get violent, but I'm at the end of my rope. Please help.

He's four and I want him to have fun this year, but I'm even afraid of putting up the tree. I think he might launch off the couch just to see if he can reach the top star. It's really sad too because normally he's quiet and a lot of fun. In the last week he's gotten into everything he shouldn't, I'm always fussing and he's always crying. Is there an answer to his Christmas Meltdown?

Bah Humbug! Sounds like your home has turned from happy to miserable real fast. Let's see if we can put our detective hat on and see what might be happening.

From birth until age two most children are simply taking in the sights. They are exploring yes...but most of it is to accumulate stimulus and let their brains get used to navigating their little bodies. When they begin to repeat simple words, you can begin the process of communication and training.

At two years old your child should be using two word sentences and be able to understand simple commands and concepts. At age three your child is using three to five word sentences and is asking "what, where and when". Your child should be using intelligible words about 80% of the time and his vocabulary is about 300-1,000 words.

Here's the clue for your child. This comment was written to go along with a booklet entitled Stages of Growth and maturity. You can write me for a copy of the entire booklet.

"From birth to age two, it is vital that you make sense to your child. Explain everything. Not only the physical but the emotional, educational, social and stress areas as well. By age four your child will have developed a sense of who and what you are. Because their concentration level is still only about 45-60 seconds, they will still make mistakes and some of those mistakes will seem like defiance. But, If you look closer at the reasons for sudden meltdowns you might find out that your child is dealing with a tidal wave of information and simply doesn't have the tools to deal with it all.

Imagine that you just took a job as a secretary to five lawyers. You spent three weeks training with the previous secretary. Today is your first day all by yourself. You know you can do it, but that repetitive attitude - I don't have to think about it cause I just know how to do it - hasn't evolved. You sit down and look around. Your office is beautiful and you are so excited you landed such an important and stimulating job.

Your bliss is interrupted when one boss comes in and yells that he wants coffee, a phone call and an entire file folder copied and on his desk in 10 minutes. Another boss arrives and fusses about some check that your predecessor should have mailed and you better find it and now! Another boss arrives smiling and wants to be friends. He wants you to stop by so he can give you the "welcome" speech. The fourth boss yell a cuss word followed by a command that you didn't get because four lines are now ringing. The fifth boss tells you not to park where you did and to let him know when his call to London comes through. You know, the one you just hung up on. You break the heal of your shoe getting to the first boss and ......

Well...you get the idea. How would you handle that? Would you have a meltdown?

So what's that got to do with your 4 year old? He's learned a lot of words, learned how to manipulate his body, learned about presents and fun times. He likes movement because it's so cool to get his body to do stuff that he couldn't do for a long time. The world looks to him like one big toy store. He hasn't learned about disappointments, work ethics or rejections. He doesn't know anything about grandmothers that don't like messy tables or dirty clothes. All he understands is that if something looks cool - investigate, cause it probably is!

And you...He loves you, but you've gone from "Let's go see" to "No, don't touch." He doesn't understand that the principle of digging in the summer ground for worms doesn't work with poinsettias.

What I'm trying to say is that yes...he's wrong. Yes....he needs to be restrained....but you're wrong too. You can't take an inexperienced child with all that energy and place him in a house full of stimulus and expect him to remain calm.

Why would you think that a child that doesn't have the capacity to remember what happened when he was three would remember the cool tree from last Christmas. He won't. But here comes Mom with two boxes of ornaments and lights and this big tree that looks like a tall forest from his viewpoint. He stands there looking up and smelling the pine scent. He's not going to think "Oh, I better be careful, this is going to make a mess."

No, a four year old is thinking...."Wow, cool. Wonder if this tree has a squirrel in it? Cool, look at that green stuff dropping off. Wonder if I could make them all fall off? Should I pull them or can I just brush them. What's this icky stuff? It makes my fingers stick together. What would happen if I put it on this toy or this table? Daddy lets me climb the tree out front. I bet I could climb this one too. Pretty clinking things! What would happen if I bounced this glass ball?"

Children are stimulated the most by what colors? Primary colors. Deep reds, blues and greens.

And what have you decorated your house with??? Deep reds, blues and greens.

Have a heart Mom....give that kid a break! Don't give in to him and make him a brat, but do teach him how to be excited without destroying the house.

How?

Take one full day to train him. Don't plan anything for the day except one on one time with you and the house. Take him around and let him touch and feel the pretty things. Tell him he can't play with them and show him why. Take an ornament or trinket that you don't mind breaking and show him how fragile they are. Throw it down or put it in a cloth and crush it with your shoe. Let him hear it break and see the damage. Then explain that if we break these, we won't have the money to replace them. That's why you can't allow him to launch off the couch.

After he has the information needed to calm down about Christmas - design a plan. Maybe you will want to corral his excitement by allowing him to play with a new toy everyday. Take toys out of his room and wrap them up. Everyday - if he is calm during the day - he is allowed to open a present after supper to play with. Make the game more exciting by wrapping them in funny ways and seeing if he can guess the toy before he opens it.

All day long when his little mind and body gets too excited point to the "daily" presents and say, "Remember that if you stop this and control your body, you can open one of those." You will be training him to concentrate on a goal, control his emotions, plan for the future and control his body." Wow! That quite an accomplishment.

Allow him to participate in what your doing. A little mess while he rolls his own cookie dough takes less time to clean up than dealing with an out of control child for two hours.

If you go shopping be sure and include time for him. Don't make him run double time to keep up with you or wait for two hours while you pick out a shirt. Take along plenty of snacks and small toys to keep him occupied. Take or get a stroller so he won't get tired of walking. Stop every 15 minutes to tickle, cuddle and play. And while you are in the middle of shopping, include him by asking, "Do you like this? Do you think Daddy will like this? Can you help me find a red one?"

I hope this helps. If it doesn't, send a more detailed account of your problems to my personal e-mail address debbie@debbiejansen.com and I'll try to sort it all out. You might also want to go to my store and order "How to have a Goof Proof Christmas". It has lots of tips for yourself as well as your children.

Merry Christmas!

Debbie