Class two will be posted tomorrow night.
Have you done your homework?
I have one more thing for you to think about.
Are you a good judge? Can you step back from any situation no matter how difficult and judge the details of that confrontation properly?
Did you know that to be a good parent you must be a fair and balanced Judge?
But Debbie.....I'm a Christian and I've been taught not to Judge.
Sorry....but being a good Christian means that you must judge. And, the verse on judging is taken completely out of context.
Leviticus 19:15 "'Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.
Deuteronomy 1:16-17 And I charged your judges at that time: Hear the disputes between your brothers and judge fairly, whether the case is between brother Israelites or between one of them and an alien. Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike. Do not be afraid of any man, for judgment belongs to God. Bring me any case too hard for you, and I will hear it.
And the common verse used to stop all judging....
Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."
Ahhh.....but here's the rub. If you continue reading you will find that it's not about judging - it's about judging fairly. Verse 2 says...."For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
The meaning of this verse goes back to the parable in Matthew 18:24-35 Jesus told a story about compassion, forgiveness and improperly judging a friend.
A man began a settlement. A man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
With over 153 verses that mention the word "judge" there is ample teaching about "how" to judge properly. It's not that we aren't allowed to judge. We must judge right from wrong every day of our lives - and often that involves looking at the lives of other people. GOD's directive is that we judge properly. We must be free of malice and we must take all sides of information into consideration.
So.....tonight I want you to take a piece of paper and write down 10 families that you know. Beside their names I want you to write down the pros and cons of their parenting skills and the results of those skills. This is not to be done with any malice or any hatred. Do it as a learning experience.
Ask yourself all kinds of questions. Ask yourself if that's the way you want to be perceived as a parent. Ask yourself if you want the same results that parent achieved. Ask if your children are anything like other good children or bad children. Be honest. Be fair and get the information you need to begin to draw a plan for your family.
You can't possibly avoid problems in your own family if you can't spot signs of trouble in other families.
Begin to formulate an idea of exactly what kind of tone you want to pursue in your home. How do you want to look to your spouse, your children, your in-laws? How do you want your pastor to see your home? Is your home representative of Christ? Would he feel comfortable staying with you? Would Christ hold you up as an example in the same way he felt about his own earthly family?
Lots to think about.....
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Principles of Parenting - Class 1
Welcome to my first on-line free class.
Welcome to Principles of Parenting.
If you would like the Study Guide for this class, please make sure you are a follower of this blog. If you are...please send an e-mail to debbie@debbiejansen.com and mark it "Free Study Guide". I'll send you the free study guide in a return e-mail. You will also receive all handouts and extra study pages once they become available. If you prefer not to "follow" this blog, you can purchase the Study Guide for $2.50. Please send me an e-mail for instructions on how to get this information.
Let's get started!
Before I begin, let me make sure you understand one important fact. This class was created to deal with you - the parent. When we are through, you may feel like I've laid all the responsibility at your door. Well....I have. I will cover the attitudes and responsibilities that are yours. But...your children have responsibilities too. It is a two way street. God has given them the ability to either accept or reject your thoughts, beliefs and parenting techniques - and they are solely responsible for that decision. I will deal with their issues in other classes.
It's like this...you must accept your responsibility as a parent. You must do all you can to understand and treat your child properly. Then, when your child is 16 or more - they will have the right to accept your beliefs or to walk away from those beliefs. You can't stop their right to have their own beliefs. What you can control is how your beliefs are presented and how well you help them to grow into God's will for their life.
Knowing that should change your view of parenting. Parenting is not as much "forcing" your children to obey you as it is "convincing" them that you are right. Later we will talk about using rules and boundaries that work - those are components of parenting. But for now you need to see your job as one of presenting the truth as you know it in such a way that your children will "want" to accept your beliefs about life. That's why I place all the responsibility at your feet. You are on trial here. It's your reputation and your logical skills that are being tested. Your child is just that - a child. They don't know how the world works or what's important or how to deal with difficult issues - and if you don't teach them - they are going to make the same mistakes people made at the beginning of time. There will be no growth, no progress, no ability for one generation to surpass another generation. Instead we will be forever re-inventing the wheel. If you can't convince your children that there is a better way to live life....they will make all the mistakes you made and will also make the same mistakes your ancestors made.
So...the first step in this process is to know and understand yourself and your own beliefs. Question why you go to the church you attend. Pretend your child is four and standing in front of you answering every statement you give with the word "why?" Question everything you do and try to think of the answers you need to give before your child even asks for those answers.
Then when those days come (and they surely will) you will have an answer for your child. "I know you think the teacher is boring but this is why we are going to continue to attend this church......." "I understand that you don't like the music, but here's why we are going to stay here and here's why I expect you to be tolerant." "I know it's hard to keep trying when you are discouraged, but here's why we must all do that."
Parents, I will promise you this. Unless you work on the responsibilities I lay out for you in this class, your children will never be able to take care of their responsibilities. Unlike the chicken and the egg, we do know what comes first and that is you - the parent.
A lot of people ask me what my credentials are. Though my detailed resume is three pages long and I do have a degree in Psychology, I don't consider that my credentials. My credentials are my children. Jamie, Amie and Ken have grown into vibrant extensions of our family. They are my joy, my love and my life. I feel extremely blessed because my dream of a happy home came true.
You can have that! I promise you can. But...there are rules to the process and you must not only follow those rules but understand why they are there. Waiver from some of the rules and you will miss the dream. It's like unprotected sex. Just one time can get you in trouble. Destroying your child's self-esteem - just one time - can cause problems for years.
So...what is the secret to making this wonderful dream happen????
Training
I've never understood how people could accept the fact that we must be trained for work, for driving, for a professional job, for marriage, even our dogs must be trained and yet we don't think about the fact that we first must be trained and then our children must be trained in order to have a better future!
WHEW!
I asked you to read a little about The Tiger Mother and her form of parenting. What do you think she was missing? I personally think it was training.
What??? Debbie you missed the mark on this one. Sounds like she had a lot of training but not a lot of compassion or love.
I disagree. She wasn't trained on how to be successful in life. She didn't understand or know how to have a full well rounded life. She admits to being a success driven work-a-holic. Her parents failed to train her in how to have compassion or understand the world around her and so she was lacking in how to help her children find that "balance" in life.
Question to think about .... what do you want for your children? Do you want a well balanced life or do you want a full concentration in one area?
Homework:
1. Do you feel trained? Do you think you know enough about life to explain it to your child? Do you know enough about friends, relationships, how to learn etc...so you can explain how to do those things to your child?
2. Do you have a plan for helping your child prepare for the future?
3. Is there any area of your child's life that you would feel comfortable leaving up to their third grade friends? Is there any area that you would feel comfortable leaving up to a teenage date to handle?
4. Do you feel powerful enough to protect your child even when they are not in your presence?
5. Do you feel like the world (society) has it's eyes set on deceiving your child?
6. Where does God fit into your parenting plan?
Great questions.....If you have any questions about today's lesson or the Homework, please contact me at debbie@debbiejansen.com
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Purchasing my book, Discipline Exposed will give you a lot of extra information about this class as well as the class on discipline.
Welcome to Principles of Parenting.
If you would like the Study Guide for this class, please make sure you are a follower of this blog. If you are...please send an e-mail to debbie@debbiejansen.com and mark it "Free Study Guide". I'll send you the free study guide in a return e-mail. You will also receive all handouts and extra study pages once they become available. If you prefer not to "follow" this blog, you can purchase the Study Guide for $2.50. Please send me an e-mail for instructions on how to get this information.
Let's get started!
Before I begin, let me make sure you understand one important fact. This class was created to deal with you - the parent. When we are through, you may feel like I've laid all the responsibility at your door. Well....I have. I will cover the attitudes and responsibilities that are yours. But...your children have responsibilities too. It is a two way street. God has given them the ability to either accept or reject your thoughts, beliefs and parenting techniques - and they are solely responsible for that decision. I will deal with their issues in other classes.
It's like this...you must accept your responsibility as a parent. You must do all you can to understand and treat your child properly. Then, when your child is 16 or more - they will have the right to accept your beliefs or to walk away from those beliefs. You can't stop their right to have their own beliefs. What you can control is how your beliefs are presented and how well you help them to grow into God's will for their life.
Knowing that should change your view of parenting. Parenting is not as much "forcing" your children to obey you as it is "convincing" them that you are right. Later we will talk about using rules and boundaries that work - those are components of parenting. But for now you need to see your job as one of presenting the truth as you know it in such a way that your children will "want" to accept your beliefs about life. That's why I place all the responsibility at your feet. You are on trial here. It's your reputation and your logical skills that are being tested. Your child is just that - a child. They don't know how the world works or what's important or how to deal with difficult issues - and if you don't teach them - they are going to make the same mistakes people made at the beginning of time. There will be no growth, no progress, no ability for one generation to surpass another generation. Instead we will be forever re-inventing the wheel. If you can't convince your children that there is a better way to live life....they will make all the mistakes you made and will also make the same mistakes your ancestors made.
So...the first step in this process is to know and understand yourself and your own beliefs. Question why you go to the church you attend. Pretend your child is four and standing in front of you answering every statement you give with the word "why?" Question everything you do and try to think of the answers you need to give before your child even asks for those answers.
Then when those days come (and they surely will) you will have an answer for your child. "I know you think the teacher is boring but this is why we are going to continue to attend this church......." "I understand that you don't like the music, but here's why we are going to stay here and here's why I expect you to be tolerant." "I know it's hard to keep trying when you are discouraged, but here's why we must all do that."
Parents, I will promise you this. Unless you work on the responsibilities I lay out for you in this class, your children will never be able to take care of their responsibilities. Unlike the chicken and the egg, we do know what comes first and that is you - the parent.
A lot of people ask me what my credentials are. Though my detailed resume is three pages long and I do have a degree in Psychology, I don't consider that my credentials. My credentials are my children. Jamie, Amie and Ken have grown into vibrant extensions of our family. They are my joy, my love and my life. I feel extremely blessed because my dream of a happy home came true.Am I perfect - NO WAY!
Are they perfect - NO WAY!
They have had many problems in each of their lives. There are things I've done that I wish I could take back because I see the end results and how it has affected their lives.
I've had to realize that....There is no perfect parent and there is no perfect child. Those two do not exist!
Our goal is to cut our losses as much as possible. Our goal should be to try to head off problems before they happen. My children have done some things that have disappointed me greatly. My children have been angry with me. But...we respect each other. They love me and I adore them. Why...because we worked on the problems together. We didn't make the problem about our relationship - it was always about the problems we faced - not about our love. (better write that one down!) And...we had just as many good times, just as many warm moments as we had problems. We often had to work to create those moments, but we made sure they were there.
I feel as though I'm living the sit-com family dream. Well....at least the 50's sit com dream. You know the type of family those sit-coms tried to convey. Mom took care of the house without complaining. (didn't aways achieve that) Father brought home lots of money.(Missed that one) The children were always obedient, always loving and always helpful.(ha ha ha ha ha) They were never in trouble outside the home and when little problems arose inside the home - it was easily solved in 20 minutes or less. (right?!?) Everyone hugged at the end and they were closer because of what they had been through.
We batted about 50% on most of those....but still I feel like we had the perfect sit-com home. In fact, some of my children's friends called them the Brady Bunch. Don't get me wrong....We had problems - lots of problems and rarely were any of them solved in 20 minutes or less! But...we did hug a lot, share a lot, and we were closer because of what we had been through. That was the key that made us all feel special. We were closer no matter what we had to go through.
It is possible to have a close-knit family even with the turmoil swirling around the perimeters of our homes. It is possible for your children to discuss their differences with you and to understand and appreciate your guidance and wisdom.
You can have that! I promise you can. But...there are rules to the process and you must not only follow those rules but understand why they are there. Waiver from some of the rules and you will miss the dream. It's like unprotected sex. Just one time can get you in trouble. Destroying your child's self-esteem - just one time - can cause problems for years.
So...what is the secret to making this wonderful dream happen????
Training
I've never understood how people could accept the fact that we must be trained for work, for driving, for a professional job, for marriage, even our dogs must be trained and yet we don't think about the fact that we first must be trained and then our children must be trained in order to have a better future!
WHEW!
I asked you to read a little about The Tiger Mother and her form of parenting. What do you think she was missing? I personally think it was training.
What??? Debbie you missed the mark on this one. Sounds like she had a lot of training but not a lot of compassion or love.
I disagree. She wasn't trained on how to be successful in life. She didn't understand or know how to have a full well rounded life. She admits to being a success driven work-a-holic. Her parents failed to train her in how to have compassion or understand the world around her and so she was lacking in how to help her children find that "balance" in life.
Question to think about .... what do you want for your children? Do you want a well balanced life or do you want a full concentration in one area?
Homework:
1. Do you feel trained? Do you think you know enough about life to explain it to your child? Do you know enough about friends, relationships, how to learn etc...so you can explain how to do those things to your child?
2. Do you have a plan for helping your child prepare for the future?
3. Is there any area of your child's life that you would feel comfortable leaving up to their third grade friends? Is there any area that you would feel comfortable leaving up to a teenage date to handle?
4. Do you feel powerful enough to protect your child even when they are not in your presence?
5. Do you feel like the world (society) has it's eyes set on deceiving your child?
6. Where does God fit into your parenting plan?
Great questions.....If you have any questions about today's lesson or the Homework, please contact me at debbie@debbiejansen.com
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Principles of Parenting Class Posts
I am so excited to offer the class - "Principles of Parenting" - on this blog!
Class will begin the evening of January 18, 2011
Check here to read all the posts on this subject. If you become a "follower" of this blog - Please send me an e-mail and I'll send you the study booklet for this course - absolutely free!
Principles of Parenting - Planning to have good children
This class teaches tested principles that will help you achieve your personal parenting goals. It includes the basics for better communication, discipline, and family dynamics. Practical behavior modification tips are included.
Research article on Amy Chua - The tiger mother
Principles of Parenting class 1
Principles of Parenting Class 1b
Principles of Parenting - Class 2
What happened to the good life?
Principles of Parenting - Class 3
Principles of Parenting - Class 4
Class will begin the evening of January 18, 2011
Check here to read all the posts on this subject. If you become a "follower" of this blog - Please send me an e-mail and I'll send you the study booklet for this course - absolutely free!
Principles of Parenting - Planning to have good children
This class teaches tested principles that will help you achieve your personal parenting goals. It includes the basics for better communication, discipline, and family dynamics. Practical behavior modification tips are included.
Research article on Amy Chua - The tiger mother
Principles of Parenting class 1
Principles of Parenting Class 1b
Principles of Parenting - Class 2
What happened to the good life?
Principles of Parenting - Class 3
Principles of Parenting - Class 4
Monday, January 17, 2011
Amy Chua - Chinese Tiger mother
In preparation for this class I hope that you will google Amy Chua - "The Chinese Tiger Mother" and read some information on her parenting style.
Children, young adults and struggling career adults are having a hard time right now. Suicide, bullying, addictions and sex are all up in numbers. Parents are desperate to find a way to help their children succeed. At long last the government and television commentators are admitting that our children - the owners of our future - are the key to the success of this country. We are slipping in test scores, slipping in entrepreneurship, slipping in close knit families, slipping in self esteem and...slipping in hope for our future. More and more children and teens are less interested in making their mark in the world and more interested in playing the part of Dumb and dumber.
Can parents help? You bet!
It's a delicate balance being a parent. Remember - THERE IS NO PERFECT PARENT - AND NO PERFECT CHILD! But....there are answers that can help you parent with success.
Stay tuned for lesson one and learn what you can do to be the successful parent of a successful child!
Start your research with these articles....
Politics Daily article
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41005969/ns/today-books/
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Saturday, January 15, 2011
New Direction
I've been struggling for months now with the purpose of this blog. I know what I want to do but I felt overwhelmed with all the problems I see. Good....wonderful....parents are struggling with the most basic of issues. While "Precious pointers" is an important tool for the busy mom, I need to go much deeper than that. Writing blogs that are disconnected and basically just what I'm thinking about for the day...didn't seem to be information that parents could build on. Blog specialists advise against blogs that go too deep. Don't make posts long....don't cover to broad a topic....don't do series that last more than three or four posts. While I want to be successful with this blog, I still felt disjointed and out of touch.
I've also been advised not to post things that I "could" make money on. I have information sitting on my computer that supports over 80 classes. I watch young parents making mistakes that I can help them solve, but it would take a two-hour class. In this low economy churches and schools don't have the funds to hire me for an event. What to do? What to do?
Even after considering all the problems - there's still this nagging feeling inside that I need to share what I know regardless of the cost to me. As you know Ron doesn't have a job...but...holding on to information someone needs - just for money - seems unchristian and selfish. And....where then is my faith? Shouldn't I do what God wants me to do regardless of the funds? It takes almost a week of writing and compiling to design just one class. It takes another week to write a booklet and yet another week to do the study guide. To go week after week without payment for my work is hard....and yet....my work involves children and the future of this country.
So after much prayer, I've decided to take a leap of faith. Beginning Tuesday, January 18th, Mommy Detective will launch a new project. I will use this blog to teach my class, Principles of Parenting. I will post lessons and information pertaining to this class. You will be getting all the information I include in this two-hour class - and it will be absolutely free!
Since I talk a mile a minute when I do a class.....I'm not sure how long it will take to go through the material on line. It may take a month or more....but....you will have the material.
If I do this, I will need your help. I need you to let everyone know that the class is available. And there are freebies. For anyone that clicks on the "Follower" button and joins this blog, they will receive a link (not available for a week or so) to the Free Study Guide. Current followers will receive the link as soon as it's available. They will also be able to purchase all the materials in CD form for a reduced price.
We are still working all the details out....so be patient with me. There's a lot to be done and I'm the only one to do it! But....once we are up and running, you will have a deeper spiritual and psychologically sound basis for your parenting skills. You will be able to duplicate everything I teach.
Please pray with me that God will lead me to know exactly how to share this information in this form and that God will bless all we do. Also....as always, know that I'm here for you. Please ask questions and share your life with me. I'm here to help.
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thank you for all your prayers!
I think God must look at people like me with a "tsk, tsk, tsk" every so often. I'm always concerned about doing the right thing. I spend a lot of time researching my opinions, my work ethics and my daily routines - just to be sure that I'm on task and doing what God would have me do.
Then there's a little hic-cup followed by a medium hic-up followed by a large gasp and an explosion. There I stand in the middle of a rubble of hopes and dreams and wonder what in the world happened. All my plans, all my research, all my hopes and dreams are merely a pile of broken pieces surrounded by a lot of dust. I quickly look around and wonder if others have noticed. "I'll bet she thinks I messed up." "Maybe he wonders why I'm not finished with this project or that one." "Oh my, please dear God....please don't let her feel like I've let her down!"
I fret and worry and wish that I could somehow be perfect - but alas! Failed again.
I love writing on my blogs. I love my readers and want to help them. But this week, I've felt like the little hic-cup of last week's surgery blossomed into an explosion of events that couldn't be helped and yet prevented me from writing.
Have you every felt pushed along by circumstances? Have you ever wondered what your friends thought of you? Have you ever felt like you failed and yet you know you did the very best you could?
If you answered yes to those questions then you are just like everyone on the planet. Even the most productive, resourceful and sanctified Christian has had at least one week or one month of stressful "I'm not preforming at my best" days.
And if you answered no to those questions - then you probably aren't human. You must be an angel only visiting and using the computer because it would be something novel to do. (Which means you probably don't need my writing anyway.)
The best news of all is that God understands. He expects us to "be" the best person we can be. He wants us to "strive" to do all that he has called us to do. But....I know that he is also compassionate. He can read our hearts. He knows when we are goofin' off and he is also aware of those special times when the circumstances were just out of our control. He knows the truth about our lives and he loves us anyway. Ahhhh....isn't that reassuring?
My surgery went fine. It took a lot more out of me than I thought it would and therefore my busy schedule was interrupted much longer than I had hoped. But....I do appreciate all the prayers and thoughts and I hope that I'm now on the mend!
I love you all and I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas Season.
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Then there's a little hic-cup followed by a medium hic-up followed by a large gasp and an explosion. There I stand in the middle of a rubble of hopes and dreams and wonder what in the world happened. All my plans, all my research, all my hopes and dreams are merely a pile of broken pieces surrounded by a lot of dust. I quickly look around and wonder if others have noticed. "I'll bet she thinks I messed up." "Maybe he wonders why I'm not finished with this project or that one." "Oh my, please dear God....please don't let her feel like I've let her down!"
I fret and worry and wish that I could somehow be perfect - but alas! Failed again.
I love writing on my blogs. I love my readers and want to help them. But this week, I've felt like the little hic-cup of last week's surgery blossomed into an explosion of events that couldn't be helped and yet prevented me from writing.
Have you every felt pushed along by circumstances? Have you ever wondered what your friends thought of you? Have you ever felt like you failed and yet you know you did the very best you could?
If you answered yes to those questions then you are just like everyone on the planet. Even the most productive, resourceful and sanctified Christian has had at least one week or one month of stressful "I'm not preforming at my best" days.
And if you answered no to those questions - then you probably aren't human. You must be an angel only visiting and using the computer because it would be something novel to do. (Which means you probably don't need my writing anyway.)
The best news of all is that God understands. He expects us to "be" the best person we can be. He wants us to "strive" to do all that he has called us to do. But....I know that he is also compassionate. He can read our hearts. He knows when we are goofin' off and he is also aware of those special times when the circumstances were just out of our control. He knows the truth about our lives and he loves us anyway. Ahhhh....isn't that reassuring?
My surgery went fine. It took a lot more out of me than I thought it would and therefore my busy schedule was interrupted much longer than I had hoped. But....I do appreciate all the prayers and thoughts and I hope that I'm now on the mend!
I love you all and I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas Season.
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Sunday, December 5, 2010
FYI
Just in case everyone is wondering what's going on with Debbie and her sites.....I have been preparing for surgery. I will have what I hope will be minor surgery tomorrow morning.
Please say a prayer for me. Hopefully I will be able to return to daily postings beginning Tuesday. I have so much material to send your way!
God bless you and I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas season!
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
Please say a prayer for me. Hopefully I will be able to return to daily postings beginning Tuesday. I have so much material to send your way!
God bless you and I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas season!
Seeking His Wisdom,
Debbie
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