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| Jamie Jansen about 3 years old |
One Sunday I was hurrying to get to church when Jamie began tugging on my skirt. For the past week I had been teaching him how to put his shoes on and tie them. "Mommy....mommy", Jamie whined. "I can't get it on!" I looked down to see that the tongue of his shoe had been pushed up in the toe of his shoe. I shook my head at him and continued combing my hair. "Jamie, just pull your tongue out and you will be able to get your shoe on."
It is our responsibility as parents to teach our children EVERYTHING! They do not learn by osmosis. We must teach them by our example and our conversations. While school teachers may give our children "facts", we are ultimately the ones who put those facts into perspective. We are the ones that teach our children how to evaluate facts properly, how to see truth, how to take all the information they are given and mold it into the best life possible.
When we hold that tiny little newborn, we are holding only a shell of a person. Only the physical instincts exist. It knows how to breath and eat and sleep. It feels cold and hot and pain. And yes...his smile is just like Uncle Ray's. But the abstract world of thought is taught to him every day by "the parent". He learns the touch of love, the kindness in a voice, the soothing power of a song, as well as the harshness of hands that hold him in anger.
We have the power to mold and develop that child to be everything he was intended to be. We can help him take the talents he has and elevate them to their very best. We can help him acquire new talents, learn to make friends and learn to impact his world/generation with his talents. He/she may have been created as a biological process. He/she may be blessed by the almighty creator - by God himself. But....we are the guiding hands that will complete the creation. We are the ones that will protect him, nurture him, be his mentor and help him see the best in his life and how his talents can impact the world!
Since you are at your computer, maybe you have a picture of your family on the computer. Print a very small copy on a blank piece of paper. If you aren't at the computer, take a blank piece of paper and draw a smiley face at the top and pretend it's your child. For the next few lessons, keep this piece of paper handy. Make two columns and label one "Traits to promote" and the other "Traits to prevent".
Begin writing down traits that you feel are important for your child to be all that God wants them to be. Your list might look something like this:
Forgiving
Positive outlook on life
Self-reliant
Intelligent
Free from anxiety and stress
Loves to learn new things
Feels a sense of purpose
Personable - loves to meet new people
Verbal
Kind
Fair
Your "traits to be prevented" may include the following
jumps to conclusions
liar
lazy
disrespectful
(For a copy of my handout "Traits for your child" - sign up for the Study Guide - it's included in those handouts)
Making this list will be easier if you can do what I asked in Class 1b
Most parents are excited and thrilled beyond belief by the very sight of their newborn. You can't imagine that you have been able to create life. Your mind floods with dreams of greatness for your child. But the bubble quickly bursts when you've gone through thousands of dollars, walked through crying sleepless nights and wiped up too much spilt milk. "I'm so tired, all I want is quiet! Remind me....why did we have this bundle of work and trouble?" Your child smiles and coos. He says 'Da Da' and your heart melts. That joy and ecstasy cannot be replaced UNTIL -----5 minutes later when this wonderful creation spits up on the only existing DVD of your best buddy's wedding!
Sound familiar? Children are hard work! Children bounce from moments of elation to moments of despair as often as chimes on a clock.
What happens is that after a lot of work and disappointment, we get lazy. We decide that taking the time to teach our child isn't all that important. We are tired, frustrated and overworked. As long as this child is currently happy, has enough fun to soothe our guilt and stays quietly away- that's enough. We have hit the bottom bar on the parenting scale and we bank on the fact that it just won't matter. Since most of the time both parents are working and extremely tired....teaching gets shoved farther into the background. "I have fun with my kids. Surely when they are 16 they won't hate me, will be able to get at least C's and all will be well. I will have reached the finished line."
Imagine the disappointment when their child hates them, isn't passing and is sure to be a drag on society rather than one of it's leading citizens. I've often heard parents say, "Well, I did the best I could. My life was hard and I did the best I could." Guilt has taken over and they feel like it's absolutely impossible to face the truth. Gently...we talk. Gently....I encourage and soothe. Until finally through tear stained eyes they admit. "I know I didn't do my best. I was tired and after they passed the baby stage they weren't fun anymore. I just wanted them to leave me alone. Now I'm filled with guilt. I can't sleep at night and I have to stay busy just so I won't think about how I let them down."
Sadly, children pick up on the desperation of parents. They feel it when they aren't as important as they should be. Children need time....lots of time, instruction and care. In this respect they are not dogs. Yes, they need love, healthcare, clothes and food. But unlike a dog who could exist on those things alone....your child needs much more. Your child must be trained.
Dr. Paul states, "Families feeling close and caring, children enjoying life - these are wonderful loving goals. And most parents believe that these things will happen naturally....in the beginning. But this blissful parenting state lasts about as long as the honeymoon did in the marriage. Trouble comes when the first conflict occurs. The child does something "wrong", the parent doesn't handle the situation "right", and all of a sudden parenting doesn't seem so easy anymore. Where is the "..and they lived happily ever after..." part? Many parents would settle for a few peaceful moments."
What went wrong? Children must be trained. They can learn to be patient. They can learn to be kind. They can learn to be unselfish. But...they must be trained. Training your child isn't that hard, but it does take time. You are responsible for placing in their minds everything they need in order to do well in life. You miss something and that will be a problem area for them. It's a big project and we have to have a definite plan in order to complete it with success.
Oh....but when you do have a plan and you complete it....your joy is beyond belief! Your reward will be greater than anything you can ever imagine. I PROMISE. You can make a difference in your child's life and you can feel the joy of releasing a well-adjusted, productive young adult into society.
Did you do your homework yesterday? How do you feel about those questions? Do you think you are ready to be a "strong and loving" parent to your child?
You can you know! It is possible. Don't be afraid. God will help you! YOU CAN DO IT! Stay tuned and I'll give you all the details so you can become a source of great strength to your children.
Question for our next lesson.....
What is your true purpose as a parent?
God loves you,
Debbie
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