Bribing your children....

I watch Fox and Friends in the morning.  Since I'm still homebound and recovering from surgery, I shouldn't get out in the rain for church.  I miss not being in church on Palm Sunday so I plan to watch the movie "King of Kings".  It's an old one from the 60's but it's extremely good.  I would recommend it over "The Passion of the Christ" especially if you have small children.  The Crucifixion is vivid, but not as violent as The Passion.

Anyway....one of the commentators was reviewing a new book about "bribing your children".  I thought you might like to read my response to the issue.

Children should receive praises and positive reinforcement for good behavior. After all....adults receive positive reinforcement all the time. Your paycheck is a positive reinforcement. While the author does make a point that children should learn to give of their own free will, even adults don't do that all the time.  While adults try to be mindful of others needs, not many people would work as hard as they do if they didn't receive a paycheck. Would you continue to work at your job for free?  Think about the times you feel your boss has been unfair and refused to give you a raise.  You didn't offer to step up your work if he wasn't going to "give acceptable positive reinforcement" for the increased work. 

We also receive positive reinforcement in the form of kisses, compliments and little gifts. What woman would continue to do the little extras if her husband took her for granted or refused to plant a well deserved kiss on her cheek for presenting a nice supper?  To say that adults don't receive positive reinforcement for good deeds is just wrong.  We love the positive reinforcement of compliments and often we are guilty of ending relationships that don't provide "good feelings".
Positive reinforcement should be given while a child is young in order to "train" them. It mimics the same feeling you get when you do something from your heart. As the child grows...you "phase" out the positive reinforcement as it is replaced with "pleasure" of a job well done.
The author also felt that giving a lot of compliments and gifts for a job well done would lead your child to believe that the world should always do that as well.  Most children attending daycare or elementary school will quickly learn that isn't so.  If he hasn't, a parent can quickly point out that the word doesn't reward in the same way family does.  The home should be different from the world.  We need to provide a "safe" place for our children to receive love and training that they wouldn't receive from the world.  If we are no different from the world, why would God have charged us to provide loving care, protection and guidance for their lives?

It has been proven that it takes at least 10 positive statements to wipe out the effects of one negative statement in our brain.  A parent and loving family should be truthful in their compliments and not exaggerate them....but we must counter act the effects of a very negative society in order to develop a balanced child. 

Bribing for the sake of immediate compliance with the rules is not going to work long term. But...a well thought out plan of positive reinforcement in order to achieve "Motivation" will always work - not only when children are young, but also when they are adults.

Seeking His Wisdom,

Debbie